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“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘ If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

-Steve Jobs

As we enter the last month of the year the normal tendency is to reflect upon the past and contemplate over the future. New Year resolutions are suddenly in vogue. A perception full of new optimism becomes the prescription pill for so many. Of course as the months go by it becomes a daunting task to live up to one’s own aspirations, expectations, challenges and goals – all part of the freshly made resolutions. No guarantees on whether these would last or fade with the passing months – maybe to replicate and recur in the next calendar year. A cyclic feature. Here’s a sleeves-up to my start to 2016, hopefully making is a shade sassier and simpler to follow:

The challenge – can be multiple in terms of profession, family life, health and fitness.

The battle plan – While it is not easy to do the tight rope walking balancing home, work and family and at the same time focussing on the physical and mental wellbeing of one’s self, it is not difficult either with a little bit of planning, flexibility, going easy on one’s own self, developing some immunity towards the daily stresses and trying to strive less towards perfections to enjoy, adjust, adapt and cope with the offerings of life.

Take-home inspiration – Doing what one believes in, makes life worthwhile. Never say die attitude is an elixir proven to work wonders for one and all. Holding on to faith and power of anything or anybody can change the meaning of life. Divine intervention through spirituality can be a big shock absorber for many.

Philosophy can have dual impact when coupled with Psychology. Any change within requires a thought and behaviour modification. A conscious attempt to magnify the focus on the present and minimize the past and future, is a sure shot way to happiness and success.

Indulging in ‘whatever’ makes one happy is the solution to any problem at any given time. Again, not doing anything at all to travelling, pursuing one’s hobbies and enjoying the nitty-gritty and the smalls of life can be extremely self- healing and therapeutic.

How about making the upcoming year a year of heightened self-awareness? Learn to release regret and forgive others and ourselves by believing in changes. If you resist it, it will be tough to survive. Go with it, not against it. Open up your heart. Learn to trust and love people around you. Abraham Lincoln said it right: “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

So, smile ear to ear for the new year is near, dispelling all your fears  and tears, dear!!

Why do some people tend to overthink and some not think at all? What can such extremes tell about these over and under thinkers?  Again the fact that there are thoughts in the mind doesn’t mean one is thinking. The two though interrelated are still mutually exclusive of each other.

Human beings on an average have about seventy thousand thoughts in a day. Regardless of what these thoughts are, the important thing is how these are managed. Thought management is extremely important to make or mar one’s self or life. If the art to manage one’s thoughts is learnt, one can deal with any eventualities of life. And being from Thought Counsel, I can vouch for this.

The first step towards thought management is observing one’s thoughts without judging them. Let them flow like a river. Thoughts are the seeds to any form of work. For example, if a person is doing extremely well professionally in a certain field, it must have started with a thought. Thoughts give artists their form of expression. So thoughts are very important. The art lies in differentiating between which ones to encourage and which ones to ignore. There are people who say they have left the task of thinking to others. But is that actually possible? Neither possible nor plausible for without thoughts we would be mere robots.

Thought management should be taught from childhood. If children master this skill, they can beautifully handle the challenges of life at any stage. Unfortunately a concept not too deeply delved into by schools and educators.

Thoughts are directly visible in one’s eyes. They can be read by the other person. So learning to think positive rather than negative can say a whole lot. With innumerable difficulties in life, it sometimes becomes difficult to cope. But with proper thought management one can always reason with these two options available at any given time: either give up and accept your defeat (towards anything) or never give up on your problems and face them to come out of them. Let your thoughts become your gateway to success and happiness.

There are people who have no control over their thoughts. They would be exuberant in a given moment, grumpy in the very next one. Tolerant at times, intolerant at many other times. All these people need is a lesson in thought management. After all, thoughts are lots, but if managed well from adults to tiny tots, life can have no dots – pots  of happiness all along…

What is that one ingredient which keeps a relationship going? And when I say going I mean it as going real ‘smoothly’. As much as it is individual in terms of what clicks for whom and how, I can list quite a few elements which can keep a relationship ticking. To start with, its of course love which forms the basis, followed by physical and emotional dependence on each other, security and finally the habit which gets the partners used to each other. This entire cyclical process is universal and applied to all. But it is also at an equal risk of turning to mundane, monotonous association causing boredom. Remember, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’?

What is that main element which keeps a couple together? According to me it’s the mental or intellectual stimulation. As long as this exists in a relationship, no matter how old the connection, it would continue growing. Ideally, when two people share the same wavelength and interests, it does become easier to stimulate, but one doesn’t have to be on the same page. There are ways and means of stimulating one’s partner emotionally. Trying to share common interests, despite not having too much in common helps. Infinite techniques have been developed to learn the art of physical stimulation, since times immemorial, but unfortunately, the role of emotional stimulation continues to be undermined.

How does one emotionally connect with a person? One needs to have a high degree of emotional quotient for this. Now, again there is a difference between the two. Emotional quotient makes sure that our emotional levels stay up to a healthy level. The moment the levels rise or deplete, the threshold of anomaly is crossed, never a healthy sign of a stable emotional person. For eg, a person may be angry. This is normal. But the moment this anger starts preceding over everything else around, is unhealthy. The sign of a developed emotional quotient is control over one’s extreme emotions. Maybe, I can elaborate a little more on EQ in one of my upcoming blogs. But right now I don’t want to shift my focus from mental or emotional stimulation to make a relationship not just work, but work wonders.

The best possible way to do this is to control and manoeuvre not just one’s own emotions but also try to manage one’s partner’s emotions. The skill is in synchronising two different emotions and creating a third one. I may be exuberant about something. My partner may not reflect a similar feeling. Best possible solution would be to reach the middle ground. The key is to contain and maybe replace our current emotion with something both the partners enjoy. Exuberance can be toned down to an emotion which triggers some common interest and comfort. With practice, the shift is easy. Maybe start talking about a common book, film or art. See some common friends or family liked by both. Indulge in some activity together – a game, cards or quiz. Visit a favourite restaurant, take a walk together, sing a favourite song, listen to some music together or just dance. One doesn’t need to be an intellect to resort to these doings together. Theoretical as it may sound, such activities can certainly charge up one’s emotions positively.

Emotions are always temporary. Emotional stimulation can be learnt by targeting a single emotion at a time. Gradually by merging a couple of emotions, multiple emotions can be handled over a period of time. The challenge is to divert the negative emotions in the partner to positive ones. Set your emotions in motion and revel in your real life motion picture…. Any guesses for the end – happy of course!!!!

The age old adage – ‘opposites attract’ sometimes makes me marvel at the law of attraction. How much truth does it hold, to what extent and for how long? Attraction, a very short lived phenomenon (unless the art to make it linger is mastered) is defined as a quality or feature which evokes liking, interest or desire. Human beings get attracted to infinite persons/things in a life time. A fact seldom accepted very openly by many. The degree to which people get attracted varies though. For some it’s a tendency. Attraction is not a controlled emotion either. A sensible person can evenly balance the scales of attraction between submission and resistance. A beautiful feeling, producing chemical and physiological changes in the brain, has to be dealt with immense prudence.

Is attraction always about the opposites? Normally, one does tend to get attracted to the contraries. Especially in romantic liaisons such attractions are very common and alluring. But the same opposites can come to hound a person at a later date, since more than the opposites, it’s about turning a blind eye to the differences. Remember, ‘love is blind’ after all? The most important relationship tip that I can give is never ignore the initial differences or opposites which you think can either be altered or one can get used to later. Please don’t let the future play an eye opener and keep your eyes open in the present. Accepting the person as it is, without expecting him or her to change is the key to a successful relationship. Many or most people fail to recognise this, creating distress and acrimony.

“Oh we are poles apart and can complement each other so well” is said with so much conviction when basking in initial euphoria. The conviction in the same polarity loses its essence with time. “Oh we are like chalk and cheese and we just cannot see eye to eye on anything together.” Retraction time! Complete metamorphosis of feelings with lapsing time.

Still a very prevalent practice in India with arranged matrimonial alliances, is not just the process of matching horoscopes, but also seeking similar backgrounds – social, economic and educational. A very practical approach to help the prospective bride and groom enter a new innings of their life on an equal footing. I am not here to propagate arranged marriages. One doesn’t have to be like siblings, similar in all aspects. No two individuals ever are. But it does become essentially imperative to get a handle on the inherent qualities and characteristics of one’s prospective partner. Temperament traction and emotional equilibrium in sync with each other is akin to a smooth and everlasting association. Regardless of the kind of union – arranged or otherwise, making a beginning from an even platform from all perspectives always proves to be extremely effective in the long run.  Attractions are momentary and temporary but love is permanent. By concocting basic fundamental similarities with variances, an appetizing association can be created. Bon appetit!!!

Have you ever met someone whom you have barely known or is unknown and the bond you share instantly can be beyond reason? It’s all about connect. We connect with different people at different levels. And this kind of connection is rather rare. It could be the result of words spoken or unspoken or maybe just an unplanned act or an unintentional deed. But the connection is altogether distinct and different and can last a life time. This could be between two friends, partners, acquaintance, family or some total stranger.

How does this work? Is it the chemistry? There are hundreds of people you interact with. But why does this one single person touch your heart? The association is magical. Someone you have never dreamt of interacting with, becomes a part of your life. Someone whom you would cherish a life time. No justification or explanation can solve this mystical connect. And everybody experiences it at some point in their lives. Never a result of one’s expectations, it happens very unexpectedly. It is beyond one’s imagination. Maybe some karmic link or a result of fate bringing two individuals together. Merely proving how people come into our lives for a ‘reason, season or lifetime’ to the hilt. Such relations may or may not last forever. But leaves a very strong imprint on the mind, a big impact on the heart and a mark on one’s soul.

Not necessarily a romantic liaison, this rare connect can be platonic too. The mask of the unknown slowly falls off, transforming the initial unknown aura into a beautiful familiarity growing every minute. The person becomes so ingrained in our life leaving us marvel at how we dealt with his/her absence for so long. What you don’t have, you don’t miss. But after having it, it almost becomes impossible to think of a life without this person.  The cascading effect it has on all the other aspects of life is phenomenal. The contentment and fulfilment oozing from this union rubs on to the other areas of life, making it so much easier to deal with the negatives and difficulties. You don’t need any wifi to connect with this special person. If sometimes logical, but magical always…

Stress is so ingrained in our life today. It is a lifestyle disease experienced by almost all. If not addressed properly it can have quite adverse bodily and mental manifestations.

How does one deal with stress? Reminds me of the famous quote – ‘life is not what happens to you, but how you deal with what happens to you.’ So, stress has a different connotation for different people and the way of dealing with is also varies from person to person. The threshold of stress is not the same for all. For some, minor irritants or disturbances can disrupt their mental equilibrium causing a lot of stress. For others, it could be really difficult circumstances/events which can trigger stress.

One should keep the following key factors in mind to counter any stressful situation

• Definition of stress – something upsetting doesn’t always mean it is stressful. Trying to focus on the reason behind the actual cause can help one identify actual stress.
• Nature of stress – whether temporary or permanent depends on the perception of the problem. Does the problem look short term or long term? No stress can ever be permanent. If it is short term, one can deal with it either immediately or knowing that it is short-lived, one can rationalize about it by accepting its temporary nature. Long term stress needs more attention. Breaking it into parts and working on each segment at a time can be very effective in eliminating this kind of stress.
• Mental/behavioural modification – identification of stress inducing triggers help us understand to what extent we get affected. Modifying our thinking and behaviour by practising to either accept or filter out the stress triggers, can be formed into a habit over a period of time. The triggers that once caused stress may not do so to the same degree any longer.
• Minimising stress – it is completely up to us, how to magnify our positives and minimize our negatives. Doing more of what one enjoys against staying away from anything unpleasant is one way of reducing stress in one’s lives. Again, some stresses are inevitable like stress related to work pressures. Such stress should be balanced by spending the non-working hours to the utmost potential by indulging in happy activities. The list can be inexhaustive – ranging from reading your favourite book or listening to your choicest music, to spending time with one’s favourite people – family/friends. All extremely therapeutic.

There are so many innovative ways of dealing with stress in today’s times. Two recent ones have left me intrigued: Many working women in China are joining programmes to experience life of a Buddhist monk – to de-stress themselves from high pressure jobs. They lead a monk’s life to counter stress. They make lifestyle changes for a stipulated time period which incorporate a monk’s daily regime including listening to preaching, chanting and meditating. It works wonders and makes them stress free.

Another very intriguing fact at Mumbai international airport is the availability of furry friends – Labradors to help thousands of passengers who are bogged down by the stress of travel and the baggage of pent-up emotions and feelings. These are therapy dogs trained to offer comfort and relief to those in need of it.

Necessity is the mother of invention. While stress cannot be avoided there are innumerable ways of dealing with it. All I would like to press is address your stress – Just let lose your tress and let go of your stress…

Has humour dried up from people’s lives? Too bad if it has. People resort to watching funny films and videos, comedy programmes etc. to tickle their funny bones – sheer dependence on synthetic humour. Why does humour have to be limited to only electronic medium or to an extent to print medium? Isn’t laughing out loud (over anything under the sun) also very therapeutic? Sharing a laugh with one’s family and friends has no substitute. And it can be about anything. A situation may not necessitate a laugh, but creating one out of nothing can be quite a hilarity. At times a glance exchanged with one’s favourite someone is enough to trigger a mighty laugh. It could have a past reference or no reference it all. It’s all about the humour rapport with the selected few.

There are people who get dismayed over nothing and there are others who can laugh at anything. There are people and there are people. One should never underestimate the benefits of laughter on one’s physical and mental well-being. It can be a universal elixir. With the mounting stress levels of people in today’s world, laugher can be the biggest stress buster. ‘Why take life seriously when nobody has come out of it alive’ stands so true here. But people have forgotten to live and laugh. Charlie Chaplin’s famous quote ‘a day without laughter is a day wasted’ should be the mantra followed by all.

Circulating jokes through platforms like WhatsApp remain the most sought after humour medium. People have become so engrossed in forwarding such content that they don’t find time to share a joke in person despite maybe sitting next to one. They continue living in virtual reality. A sad reality indeed. Mushrooming laughing clubs merely prove how difficult it has become for people to laugh. Laughing forcibly is still better than not laughing at all. And that’s the reason even the corporate world has seen a new escalating trend of clowning workshops. Earlier restricted to only hospital recovery zones, humour specialists are slowly finding their way through different fields. It has been found to be very effective in reducing stress, increasing creativity and lateral thinking and master the tightrope walking between hard work and light-heartedness at the same time.

Never underestimate the worth of conversations with people who make one smile and laugh. Nothing in the world can replace that rendezvous – be it in person, telephonic/verbal or written. It works wonders for one’s immune system. Laughing is the best medicine but even if you laugh without a reason you still don’t need any medicine in my view. Have a hearty laugh. It’s good for your heart…

Parents too often feel they have an inborn right to control their children’s lives – just because they are instrumental in bringing them into this world. Sadly, a justification used by many to supposedly regulate their children’s lives is no justification at all. Recent studies have proved that children of less controlling parents turn out to be better in all aspects compared to the controlling ones. What does this indicate? Certainly shows a positive trend of parenting. But what about those who still dictate?

A very common conversation in schools at least in India – “How many marks did your child get? Mine scored the highest.” Board exams of grade ten and twelve are the biggest nervous breakdown triggers for parents and they make sure they transfer the same on to their wards. Exams become a matter of life and death – literally with students committing/attempting suicides on not getting satisfactory results. And here the satisfaction is in direct proportion to parents’ expectations. Another very common practice is of putting children in various activity and educational classes. “My child goes for taekwondo, mental math, robotics and phonics classes. What are the classes your child is enrolled for?” And a child not involved with such extracurricular activities is looked down upon. After all an average primary school kid is away from home for ONLY 7-8 hours. What about the remaining 16 hours of the day? They have to be constructively (so they think) occupied so that comparisons with other parents become easier and the child is off parents’ hair.

In this technology monopolised day and age, children are increasingly getting away from just being themselves. They have no time to play with their real friends – virtual would be plenty, courtesy online interactions galore. There are some ‘privileged’ children who have been blessed with phones and tabs at a tender age by their parents, with least concern about being exposed to the radiation from cellphones or retina damage due to screen light. There is a bigger concern for more marks, prizes and certificates. Children need to be technology savvy in today’s times, not to deny the intellectual stimulation that follows. But social interactions, family outings, picnics, quality time spending by playing family games etc cannot replace the emotional quotient it provides.

Childhood is a temporary phase and is outgrown in no time by children. The most important phase where most of the mental and physical development takes place is underestimated. School and exams shouldn’t be the only measure of success in life. That too at a juncture when children have no clue about the realities of life. Pleasant and happy childhood experiences go a long way in helping children become sensible human beings of the future. Perhaps parents forget that they too were children once upon a time. May be what they were subject to is similar or maybe different to what they have been practising. In a nutshell, a key to an ideal parenting would be comparisons – nil, zero exam/school pressure, acceptance of child individuality and zippo controlling streaks. Your responsibility is to bring them up and not bring them down. How about defying the gravitational force???????

We all have plans. We have plans to lose weight and get fit, quit smoking, learn something new, eat healthier and diet, and on and on.

We all have plans; and for the majority of us, that’s exactly what they remain as – plans. There’s no execution, it’s all a dream in our heads.  It stays there, sometimes as happy thoughts, sometimes pressing, sometimes embarrassing and shaming us. It does a lot of things to us but it remains in our head as a plan and the first thought we have about it is, I’ll start working on it someday – someday that’s not today, it’s a day in the future.

Unfortunately, not a lot of us succeed at achieving our goals. We make plans, we think thoughts but never execute them. Maybe because we’re lazy but may be also because we’re waiting for a trigger, an external catalyst. Something substantial to start us off.

We wait. Pretexts could be: I’ll start next month, next year, when I get my next salary, when my savings go above a particular threshold, when I have a better means of transport, etc., etc. We’re all waiting for something that can give us a huge fillip, something that segments our current state and the future state we see ourselves in. We want to see a thick solid white line which we perceive how a start line to think plan looks like. We wait for the sort of explosion that is required to propel a rocket forward.

We’re not a rocket though and we don’t need a huge explosion to propel us towards where we want to go. All we need is a tiny spark, and that spark already exists if you’ve thought about something. If you’ve thought about getting out of debt and saving money, spend more time with family, travel to new places, be less stressed, to volunteer, to cut down on your alcohol intake, you already have had the spark. You don’t need a start line. You don’t need it to be the first of January. You don’t need to have that magic number appear in your bank account to start taking action.

All you need is today. All you need is now. And you have it. You have the moment, seize it and make it your thick solid white start line that you’ve been waiting for. There will never be a right day, there will never be enough money, there will always be first of January – except that there will be another one in a year’s time and that will seem more suitable than the one you’re looking at.

So, what do you think – can now be that start line?

We all want to be the best; our best; it’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.

Humankind has achieved feats that initially were inconceivable, then were thought of as impossible after they were first dreamt of, spoken of. Imagined. Most people actually believed that these were impossible but a certain breed of people didn’t. They dreamt they could, they believed they could. The came forward and did more. Achieved more. These achievers did better, went the extra mile and achieved beyond what was thought of as impossible.

That’s the pace of life, that’s the pace of innovation and achievement; that’s the pace of people who do things, go above and beyond. Do the crazy. They dream, they believe, they achieve. That’s what’s required if you are to be the best, better than best.

Were they all born believers? Were they all perfect?

No one is perfect.

We all have our limitations.

So, how do we go the extra mile? How do we do what no one else can? How do we better ourselves, become better than what we were yesterday? How do we achieve tomorrow what we couldn’t today, what we did not think was possible just some time ago?

We do exactly what the doers do.

We dream, we believe, we achieve.

We dream and we do it. That’s the beginning and the end. It’s the journey that’s terrifying. We start on the journey alone, sometimes we find a way, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we need validation, support and someone who believes in us.

We need a friend. Someone who knows us and has our best interests at heart. Someone who understands us. Someone who can drive us forward. Someone who can make us realise what our forte is and what we could do better. Someone who knows our innermost feelings, what we think; why we think what we think, what our drivers, fears and perceived limitations are. Who knows us, understands us, where we are and where we want to go. Who makes us believe and helps us succeed, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. This person is our confidante, our unflinching pillar. Makes us believe, gives us the strength, energy and belief to do better tomorrow than what we could imagine yesterday and found impossible the day before.

We all need such a friend. We all need a coach.