Monthly Archives: September 2015

We all have plans. We have plans to lose weight and get fit, quit smoking, learn something new, eat healthier and diet, and on and on.

We all have plans; and for the majority of us, that’s exactly what they remain as – plans. There’s no execution, it’s all a dream in our heads.  It stays there, sometimes as happy thoughts, sometimes pressing, sometimes embarrassing and shaming us. It does a lot of things to us but it remains in our head as a plan and the first thought we have about it is, I’ll start working on it someday – someday that’s not today, it’s a day in the future.

Unfortunately, not a lot of us succeed at achieving our goals. We make plans, we think thoughts but never execute them. Maybe because we’re lazy but may be also because we’re waiting for a trigger, an external catalyst. Something substantial to start us off.

We wait. Pretexts could be: I’ll start next month, next year, when I get my next salary, when my savings go above a particular threshold, when I have a better means of transport, etc., etc. We’re all waiting for something that can give us a huge fillip, something that segments our current state and the future state we see ourselves in. We want to see a thick solid white line which we perceive how a start line to think plan looks like. We wait for the sort of explosion that is required to propel a rocket forward.

We’re not a rocket though and we don’t need a huge explosion to propel us towards where we want to go. All we need is a tiny spark, and that spark already exists if you’ve thought about something. If you’ve thought about getting out of debt and saving money, spend more time with family, travel to new places, be less stressed, to volunteer, to cut down on your alcohol intake, you already have had the spark. You don’t need a start line. You don’t need it to be the first of January. You don’t need to have that magic number appear in your bank account to start taking action.

All you need is today. All you need is now. And you have it. You have the moment, seize it and make it your thick solid white start line that you’ve been waiting for. There will never be a right day, there will never be enough money, there will always be first of January – except that there will be another one in a year’s time and that will seem more suitable than the one you’re looking at.

So, what do you think – can now be that start line?

We all want to be the best; our best; it’s not easy but it’s not impossible either.

Humankind has achieved feats that initially were inconceivable, then were thought of as impossible after they were first dreamt of, spoken of. Imagined. Most people actually believed that these were impossible but a certain breed of people didn’t. They dreamt they could, they believed they could. The came forward and did more. Achieved more. These achievers did better, went the extra mile and achieved beyond what was thought of as impossible.

That’s the pace of life, that’s the pace of innovation and achievement; that’s the pace of people who do things, go above and beyond. Do the crazy. They dream, they believe, they achieve. That’s what’s required if you are to be the best, better than best.

Were they all born believers? Were they all perfect?

No one is perfect.

We all have our limitations.

So, how do we go the extra mile? How do we do what no one else can? How do we better ourselves, become better than what we were yesterday? How do we achieve tomorrow what we couldn’t today, what we did not think was possible just some time ago?

We do exactly what the doers do.

We dream, we believe, we achieve.

We dream and we do it. That’s the beginning and the end. It’s the journey that’s terrifying. We start on the journey alone, sometimes we find a way, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we need validation, support and someone who believes in us.

We need a friend. Someone who knows us and has our best interests at heart. Someone who understands us. Someone who can drive us forward. Someone who can make us realise what our forte is and what we could do better. Someone who knows our innermost feelings, what we think; why we think what we think, what our drivers, fears and perceived limitations are. Who knows us, understands us, where we are and where we want to go. Who makes us believe and helps us succeed, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. This person is our confidante, our unflinching pillar. Makes us believe, gives us the strength, energy and belief to do better tomorrow than what we could imagine yesterday and found impossible the day before.

We all need such a friend. We all need a coach.

It has been my privilege to be invited  by Ahmedabad Management Association to deliver a lecture on Friday, September 18, 2015, 6.30 pm. I will be talking about the ‘Intricacies of  Relationships’ – aimed at helping people  gain some insight into the dynamics and complexities of relationships. Local residents of the city and thereabouts are most cordially invited.

Venue: Ahmedabad Managment Association – Seminar hall, ATIRA, Ahmedabad 380 015

I happen to know this person who was in a live-in relationship with his partner for five years. They seemed so happy together. One fine day, I get a call from him saying “if my partner enquiries about me, just sound nonchalant and clueless about my whereabouts.” I was quite surprised at this sudden withdrawal from his relationship. He had abruptly ended it without discussing it. Didn’t go down too well with me. I wonder how the partner would have felt. I thought the partner of five years at least deserved to be intimated and kept in the loop about the impending end. The guy I thought was truly lacking in sensitivity and maturity. In retrospect, my jumping to conclusion showcased my lack of maturity too.

A few days went by. Still chewing over the abrupt breakup of this gentleman (gentle in no way at that point), I decide to meet him over coffee. He obliges. Our conversation over coffee turns out to be a complete turnaround from what I had expected. He talked about how his relationship had become unbearable. Reverse shift – love overtaken by control. He was feeling stifled. She was becoming a remote control wanting to control her human gadget. He was expected to explain his time to her. He would be held accountable for his busy phone calls, unattended phone calls from her, and online status on various media etc. His ‘me time’ would invariably become ‘we time’ with her. Zero space to breathe. He tried to discourage this tendency but in vain. Jealousy and possessiveness had become her second nature. Regular fights would result in him asking her to call off their relationship. Her only reaction would be to threaten him about undesired consequences which would land him in trouble. Being scared of the consequences, he continued till it went beyond the pale. Finally one fine day he just walked out.

This sudden and abrupt disappearance from someone’s life is termed as ghosting. The person almost stops to exist. Phone calls and messages are stopped and not responded to. As much as it reminds me of a scary horror movie, I had never heard this term until a few years ago. The story which sounded so immature on his part suddenly made so much sense. Maybe justified his behaviour.

Any relationship can go wrong. One wrong choice or judgement deserves a second chance. Why drag in an unhappy relationship? In the interest of both the partners, an ideal thing would be to part ways amicably. But at times, the situation is not conducive to a pleasant exit from one individual. With one partner being obsessed about the relationship, taking a toll on the mental and physical wellbeing of the other, the resultant end is sometimes instant and abrupt. The person has no other choice but to resort to ghosting. And the traits which justify ghosting are normally possessiveness, jealousy, constant bickering, suspicion and perpetual supervision, obsession, recurrent threats followed by hysterical bouts, temper tantrums and major mood swings. A person doesn’t have any other way or means to get out of this.

Ghosting instead of continual roasting in an abnormal relationship is acceptable. A toast to the ghost and this post!!!! No boast!!!!!!!!