Monthly Archives: December 2015

Very often people come to me – confused. They aren’t sure if they are in love or infatuated. Although there is a very thin line between the two – INITIALLY, one can always tell the difference. These beautiful feelings may overlap the two conditions but there are pronounced stark differences.

The first thing I ask my clients as to what do they think? As much as for most of the people love is the answer (it’s more out of wishful thinking rather than the reality), in their heart of hearts they do doubt their own feelings. There is this constant question looming about the hypothetical condition of infatuation.

Infatuation is a condition in which a person is instantly drawn to another person and this is generally short lived. There is an instant withdrawal as well. Behaviour follows very extreme patterns of intensity. The magnitude of feelings is very strong at both the ends. Too good to be true is how I would put it. When one cannot accept this unrealistic reality, it’s a big pointer that something is amiss.

So the next important aspect to be focussed upon is the duration of the association. Extremely short period of having known someone and still falling for him/her is the biggest sign of infatuation. One doesn’t know the opposite person well and yet one is smitten – big time. This can lead to two eventualities – either instantly falling out of love or falling deeper into love when the reality sets in. It’s either in or out. Men are more prone to infatuation (thanks to their different wiring) compared to women.

Again infatuation is normally restricted to a person’s physical attributes with a high need for physical intimacy. Once this stage is outdone, the attraction goes down. On the other hand, love is never dependent on a few parameters. There is a plethora of amazing experiences to be experienced and enjoyed. It’s more about the journey than the destination. The list of attractions is endless.

Before committing yourself into any relationship, please find out if your attraction has a shelf life or it is for long (if not ever). Both beautiful feelings though. The choice is yours – now and never or now and forever….

From the time a couple gets married, there is always a probability (high or low) of a divorce. No marriage is ever divorce proof. But one can work towards making it one. The big question is how! Before coming to the answer of this big question, let us focus on the distorted thinking that couples commonly adopt to when in a marriage. Such thinking can certainly hinder one’s relationship.

• Couples don’t realize that a marriage/relationship is like a ticking bomb. If they don’t work towards it, it can be dangerous.
• Some hope it would automatically get better with time.
• Some presume it is getting better without actually being aware of the partner’s actual or real feelings towards them.
• Some are aware of the problems they face, but are not clear on the intensity of it.
• A few become complacent and learn to live with it. They get too used to the familiarity to trade it off for anything else.
• Some partners continuously play the blame game – be it with their partner, themselves, children, circumstance, health etc.

A relationship is one of the highest indicators of happiness. And when the going is good, it can be a huge source of pleasure. But when it starts getting inflicted with conflicts, of which couples have no clue as to how to deal with it, can become painful. Some suffer quietly, while others are vocal about it. When this suffering continues over a period of time, it can drain one emotionally.

All relationships have a great start, but end up in the same place. A beautiful common past of love and passion doesn’t guarantee permanence of these feelings. The biggest fallacy most couples make is concentrate only on remaining married. This standalone goal cannot be achieved by itself. But striving towards feeling passionate, alive and free in one’s marriage is what makes it work. It is an ideal marriage when one can be one’s self. It is also healthy to expect problems in a relationship. And these problems are simply the indicators that some changes are needed. Once couples have the necessary tools and skills of how to become a team and solve problems together, everything can be dealt with effectively for life. It’s just about the right approach.

After all the major cause of a divorce may be a marriage, but there are reasons galore for a marriage – the odds are one against many. All probability of a marriage winning hands down!!!!

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘ If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

-Steve Jobs

As we enter the last month of the year the normal tendency is to reflect upon the past and contemplate over the future. New Year resolutions are suddenly in vogue. A perception full of new optimism becomes the prescription pill for so many. Of course as the months go by it becomes a daunting task to live up to one’s own aspirations, expectations, challenges and goals – all part of the freshly made resolutions. No guarantees on whether these would last or fade with the passing months – maybe to replicate and recur in the next calendar year. A cyclic feature. Here’s a sleeves-up to my start to 2016, hopefully making is a shade sassier and simpler to follow:

The challenge – can be multiple in terms of profession, family life, health and fitness.

The battle plan – While it is not easy to do the tight rope walking balancing home, work and family and at the same time focussing on the physical and mental wellbeing of one’s self, it is not difficult either with a little bit of planning, flexibility, going easy on one’s own self, developing some immunity towards the daily stresses and trying to strive less towards perfections to enjoy, adjust, adapt and cope with the offerings of life.

Take-home inspiration – Doing what one believes in, makes life worthwhile. Never say die attitude is an elixir proven to work wonders for one and all. Holding on to faith and power of anything or anybody can change the meaning of life. Divine intervention through spirituality can be a big shock absorber for many.

Philosophy can have dual impact when coupled with Psychology. Any change within requires a thought and behaviour modification. A conscious attempt to magnify the focus on the present and minimize the past and future, is a sure shot way to happiness and success.

Indulging in ‘whatever’ makes one happy is the solution to any problem at any given time. Again, not doing anything at all to travelling, pursuing one’s hobbies and enjoying the nitty-gritty and the smalls of life can be extremely self- healing and therapeutic.

How about making the upcoming year a year of heightened self-awareness? Learn to release regret and forgive others and ourselves by believing in changes. If you resist it, it will be tough to survive. Go with it, not against it. Open up your heart. Learn to trust and love people around you. Abraham Lincoln said it right: “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

So, smile ear to ear for the new year is near, dispelling all your fears  and tears, dear!!

Why do some people tend to overthink and some not think at all? What can such extremes tell about these over and under thinkers?  Again the fact that there are thoughts in the mind doesn’t mean one is thinking. The two though interrelated are still mutually exclusive of each other.

Human beings on an average have about seventy thousand thoughts in a day. Regardless of what these thoughts are, the important thing is how these are managed. Thought management is extremely important to make or mar one’s self or life. If the art to manage one’s thoughts is learnt, one can deal with any eventualities of life. And being from Thought Counsel, I can vouch for this.

The first step towards thought management is observing one’s thoughts without judging them. Let them flow like a river. Thoughts are the seeds to any form of work. For example, if a person is doing extremely well professionally in a certain field, it must have started with a thought. Thoughts give artists their form of expression. So thoughts are very important. The art lies in differentiating between which ones to encourage and which ones to ignore. There are people who say they have left the task of thinking to others. But is that actually possible? Neither possible nor plausible for without thoughts we would be mere robots.

Thought management should be taught from childhood. If children master this skill, they can beautifully handle the challenges of life at any stage. Unfortunately a concept not too deeply delved into by schools and educators.

Thoughts are directly visible in one’s eyes. They can be read by the other person. So learning to think positive rather than negative can say a whole lot. With innumerable difficulties in life, it sometimes becomes difficult to cope. But with proper thought management one can always reason with these two options available at any given time: either give up and accept your defeat (towards anything) or never give up on your problems and face them to come out of them. Let your thoughts become your gateway to success and happiness.

There are people who have no control over their thoughts. They would be exuberant in a given moment, grumpy in the very next one. Tolerant at times, intolerant at many other times. All these people need is a lesson in thought management. After all, thoughts are lots, but if managed well from adults to tiny tots, life can have no dots – pots  of happiness all along…