20 Jul

Rumination – culmination of negativity

 

It has been recently proved by a team of researchers working at Stanford University that people walking in a natural environment tend to engage in less rumination. In tests they found rumination remained level for the urban walkers, but fell for the nature walkers.

Rumination is a disorder wherein an individual compulsively focuses on his/her distress and its causes and consequences, rather than on the solution. It is quite similar to worry and anxiety, except the attention is more on the past events and experiences as opposed to worry/anxiety, which is future centric. Both involve negative thinking.

On an average a human mind is consumed by about 50,000 thoughts a day. A mix of good and bad, positive and negative. A healthy mind would outweigh the negative thoughts with positive ones. But what about a mind which is controlled by negative thoughts?

Simple as it may sound, it is all about habit. Our thinking – negative and positive becomes so habitual, that it gets conditioned to think in only one particular direction. It is hence controlled accordingly. Any habit is not formed overnight. It is similar to water seeping into something and doing the damage. Negative thinking works on similar analogy. Constant dwelling on something unpleasant becomes a compulsion resulting in obsession at times.

It’s been proved that if one consciously removes a negative thought from one’s mind in less than nine seconds, it will automatically be expelled from our system. This exercise is basically to restrain oneself from comprehending or registering an unwanted thought.

Negative thoughts lead to depression, anxiety and many other forms of neuroses. Various psychosomatic disorders are manifested as a result of it. Acute negative thinking can be altered through therapy. Ruminating or brooding on something undesirable can take a toll on one’s mental and physical health. Meditation, exercise and any form of relaxation can help undo this pattern of negative thinking. Please don’t let negativity erode your system. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s never too late because here two negatives will never make a positive…Unless you’re a pregnancy test, take your negativity elsewhere!

 

10 Jul

Nothing lasts forever….. Beauty does!!

What is that one characteristic you can attribute to love at first sight? Beauty, undoubtedly. People normally are smitten immediately when they fall for someone’s beauty. I wonder how one can get carried away by an aspect, physical in nature, which doesn’t say anything else about the person. Deceptive indeed! It is so easy to predict the fate of such relationships. Exceptions? Well, they always exist.

Beauty as a magnetic force attracts only couples who have a tendency to fall in love at a pace much faster than the usual or couples who are in their very initial stage of dating. As much as this phenomenon is very natural and normal, especially amongst youngsters, it can prove detrimental when followed blindly. A high risk proposition.

There is a second category of people who fall in love but not instantly. They may know someone for long, in the form of an acquaintance or a friend. And slowly their friendship turns into love. Now, how important is beauty to these couples who gradually fall in love? Before responding to my own question, I would like to point out a major difference between ‘love at first sight’ and ‘steadily falling in love’ couples. Couples who belong to the first category would normally fall for a person with generally the same level of looks. A beautiful girl would seek a handsome guy and vice versa. Whereas in the other category, apart from looks there are many other qualities in a person, one is attracted to. How many times do we come across couples who may not be a match in terms of their external appearances, often labelled as ‘an odd couple’? Strange as it may sound and look, there is a strong reason behind this inequality. When you know someone for long, you don’t always fall in love with their looks. You get attracted by intrinsic worth of that person.  It is very easy to get attracted to someone’s kind heartedness, warmth, humility, altruism, friendliness, smartness, maturity, sincerity, et al. And when such qualities account for the relationship progressing to the next stage of love, it’s an absolute mystic.  Physical inequalities dissipate. When love is based on such wonderful individualities, it is certainly more permanent in nature. After all external beauty is short-lived and gets faded with time and age. But internal beauty is eternal. It stays with you forever.

Why fall in love at first sight, in a very short span of time and make the relationship short-lived too? It’s a gamble, a total shot in the dark. Do not plunge in haste and repent later. Please try to emulate the tortoise in the race and not the hare. Slow and steady certainly wins the race of love and life…

 

 

02 Jul

Getting along – an art one cannot cart from a mart

“Oh, I just cannot get along with my mother in law” – clichéd as it may sound, not getting along with one’s mother-in-law isn’t the only universal problem. There are innumerable people we don’t get along with.

What is the definition of ‘getting along’? It is an ability to deal freely and mostly naturally with all kinds of people. Why do some people beautifully get along with others while some don’t?  There are certain people whom we may not genuinely vibe well with. But if these don’t outnumber the number of people we hit off well with, we are on the right track. Why is it so important to inculcate this art if it’s lacking in us?

There are so many associations, acquaintances and relationships we come across in our day to day life. From parents to siblings, friends to spouses and in-laws, children to people at work and domestic help to many more, it does become imperative to get along. The latest trend of hiring life coaches to help one gain this extremely important skill merely proves how essential this is. One shouldn’t underestimate its power. It certainly makes life really easy going and stress free. Any tension in any of these connections can make things flaky.

Is this an inherent trait or an art? Can it be acquired or developed? Well, if one is not born with this valuable attribute, one certainly can learn and condition oneself into using it.

 

What are those characteristics required to get along with people?

 

1. Non-judgmental – These people generally don’t complain and crib. They are relatively more open minded and don’t judge people. They religiously follow the philosophy ‘to err is human’. They are more realistic and realize that no one is perfect including themselves.

 

2. Amicable – Friendly, polite and warm, their approach is pleasant towards people in general. They don’t become bitter with individuals around them. They are seldom rude. Such people believe that a simple smile from or to a stranger doesn’t cost anything yet can prove invaluable in terms of feel good factor.

 

3. Adaptive – We come across people of different stripes every day. Adaptive people know how to easily adapt and gel well with all kinds of people. They tend to adjust and basically do not consider it to be a task to remain amiable with everyone.

 

4. Positive – There are pessimists and there are optimists. Studies show that people with a positive outlook towards life are better at getting along with people. They tend to focus and magnify the positives and minimize the negatives. This is the key to any successful relationship – intimate, friendly or casual. Again optimists are large hearted and their motto is ‘to forgive and forget’. Jealousy doesn’t come easily to them.

 

5. Good listener- Last but not the least, good listeners normally get along with people. They are patient, not over bearing and easy. They can think from other people’s perspective and can put themselves in others’ shoes. It’s a trait not many people possess.

 

These five characteristics are very simple to imbibe in order to get along with people. Are you easy to get along??? If not, throw your dart on this art and…….. Bingo!!!