16 Feb

Don’t pine for a valentine…

Valentine’s day can be compared to a birthday – that one day in a year which makes one feel special. Debates on whether one day is enough to celebrate love or are we emulating the west since its not a part of our culture et al always come to fore. Like birthdays and anniversaries are the time to feel happy, why not the V day?  Regardless of its significance, why not revel in the joy of this special day?

Love and romance have always taken a back seat in our culture. Its perceived as time specific – a certain age to fall in love and should I say to fall out of love too? The culmination of love is usually a marriage and once married, the love and romance go out of the window. PDA is only practised for the social media. Couples either feel restricted or are not conditioned to express their love. It’s against our culture to exhibit love as a mark of respect to elders. But even in front of the children, parents refuse to show their affection to each other. One may not be too deliberate expressing one’s love like in the west, but it can certainly be articulated. If children are not exposed to love at home, how can they be expected to love freely and fully? Most adults make this mistake of controlling their emotions in their children’s presence.  Children need to learn that expression of love is something normal. When they are deprived of seeing it regularly, they end up considering it as something forbidden and secretive.

A family exuding warmth and affection has a healthy and energetic household, conducive not just to the couple’s wellness, but also to the children living there. It radiates positivity and liveliness to live well to sustain the challenges of life.

There can never be a saturation as far as professing love every day to the family members is concerned. Valentine’s day is one more day to make it extra special. Who says it should only be between a man and woman? Celebration of love needs no target audience. It’s for one and all. So, if you were without a valentine this year, next year you could make any one your valentine – a friend, child, brother, sister, cousin etc. So, don’t pine and get set to dress to the nines for the next Valentine’s…

08 Feb

It’s not worth it!!

The common myth says when something is missing in a marriage, one gets involved outside.  Does a perfect marriage with no missing ingredient exist?? When life is never perfect, how can a marriage be? Instead of looking outside, either working towards what’s missing or accepting it helps two people come closer.

Infidelity comes easy to people with a good amount of time at hand – physical and mental. When one is not engaged physically and mentally, life becomes boring. With boredom comes the need to make it interesting. While there are a million ways to make it stimulating, people many a time seek solace in an extra marital affair.

While all affairs are about novelty, the euphoria it generates is transitory. It may be about some lost feelings which are rekindled but the excitement and the attraction are temporary. Once into it, it’s like addiction. One involvement outside may lead to another. It becomes a set pattern. As the newness begins to fade, one starts exploring another one – one that would rule the feelings again, momentarily though.  Despite the experience, people refuse to realize it wouldn’t last beyond a certain span of time. And end up jeopardizing or complicating their lives for some temporary pleasure. You only live once – the most common justification. But because you only live once, you might as well live prudently. Why dig your own grave?

Singular affair with someone for long doesn’t remain the same either. Beyond a certain time, it starts functioning at a different level, especially once the physical attraction has worn off. People either remain blind to it or try to self believe everything is hunky-dory. Acceptance of the fact that things have changed becomes a struggle. Everything changes in a marriage too. Along with a legal stamp of commitment, it’s the families and the children involved which make it stronger. It’s about getting habituated to a person one is living with – despite the daily irritations and idiosyncrasies.  It’s the love and care expressed in varying degrees of intensity/subtleness by two individuals that keep it going. Growing old together apart from growing as a person is one of the best things that can happen in a marriage. Whatever may be lacking in your marriage, you can live with it or create it. I know it’s none of my affair –but stay away from an affair.  It’s not worth it.

02 Feb

Are you growing after growing up?

Growth and development from Infancy to adulthood is not only tangible but very rapid, specifically in the first fifteen years.  Every month sees an upward trend in the progress pattern. While not much can be done about the stagnation of physical growth after a certain age (weight remaining the only variable), mental growth also tends to stagnate. Our own doing.

For some reason, adulthood seems to give adults the leverage to take it easy. The intensity of learning or imbibing loses its intensity. The amount of learning as a child or a teenager is much more that what we learn as adults.  We somehow lose the drive to motivate ourselves into learning more once we grow up. The cliched quotes on learning being a life long process et. al lose its appeal to some extent.  Seldom do we realize the price we pay – particularly in our relationships. So once hitched, a couple unfortunately go the same way. Any relationship at inception is on an excellent wicket but fails to remain the same as it ages. While one cannot defy the cyclical law of relationships, one can certainly continue to make it better, regardless of its age or stage.

Relationships being the biggest indicator of human happiness, can never go wrong if we remain invested in it. All it needs is some TLC. Just as one can continue to grow as an individual at every stage of life; if one decides to, one can grow in relationships too. But the sad reality is, instead of progressing, people regress. We all start behaving like children – sulk, cry, scream, shout. Its not common to see couples living peacefully together any more. A famous actress recently commented on the institution of marriage saying she’s yet to come across a happily married man. Why have people started looking down upon this institution? Why is it believed to become defunct over a period of time? The answer lies within us. We are responsible for this mislabelled sacrosanct institution.

If we decide to continue to grow and develop mentally (physically fit is a given), we will equip ourselves with the necessary skills and knowledge to live in harmony. With growth comes maturity. Maturity to behave, get along, respond, cope, adjust and adapt to the changing situations of life. Hope we all continue to grow even if we have grown up.