Monthly Archives: January 2019

A lot of marital distress can be attributed to one’s childhood. It may sound a little out of sync in terms of its relevance, but it very much has a major role to play in one’s relationships. Values inculcated or not inculcated in the childhood get reflected in the future relationships. Bringing up patterns are always different but when the differences are drastic, it can become daunting for couples to function with these differences.

A couple’s pattern of bringing up a child would generally depend on the way they have been brought up. Exceptions of parents adopting a different parental approach compared to their own always exist but all in all, their style of being brought up reflects in the upbringing of their child. For example, a partner brought up in a social family with frequent and regular interactions with family and friends, would have a similar socializing system ingrained in them, vis a vis a partner from not a very social household would find socializing taxing. Such variances can disrupt the family equilibrium.

A parent who went to a boarding school would probably want his/her child to go to one, while the other parent who never went to a boarding school wouldn’t want his/her child to be away from home. A person from a close-knit family would want very close ties with his/her family. Whereas a person not too close with his/her family would have problems relating to a partner sharing close ties with the family. Not being on the same page with one’s partner can take a heavy toll on the couple’s mental set up, their child and the marriage. There is no right, or wrong here but mere differences cause friction. Conflict resolution techniques ranging from throwing a fit, to being composed, to defence mechanisms like contempt, criticism and sulking to accepting a fault with no hang-ups are imbibed genetically and through the environment a child is brought up in. Differences in these create severe disharmony. Unfortunately, couples when seeking an alliance overlook these and end up being miserable in the long run.

A pleasant family always has pleasant children making pleasant families themselves. My humble request to parents – if you can try to secure you child ‘s future with the right financial investments, why not make their future pleasant by investing a lot of love, values and harmony in your family?

Given the festival of Uttrayan today, all relationships resonate a rock and a kite to me – a unique union of strength and spirit. In my opinion, an ideal relationship consists of a ‘Rock’ and a ‘Kite’. A grounded and logical person who puts the head before the heart is a ‘Rock’. While, the ‘Kite’ is a free-spirited soul wanting to soar high, driven by emotions, impulses and instincts. Lasting relationships are made up of both. Hence every relationship should entail a ‘Rock’ and a ‘Kite’

A partner who is a ‘Rock’ is very dependable for almost everything. Such a partner is a guiding force, a doer and a “go to” person. Procrastination is seldom a part of their persona. “Rocks’ cannot relax without accomplishing their tasks or chores. They wouldn’t even hesitate to nudge their partners multiple times to complete theirs. In a nutshell, ‘Rocks’ are the hinges that form the basis of a smooth relationship.

“Kites” on the other hand are totally intuited with their gut and allow their emotions to rule them. Decision making is controlled by their gut feeling too. They are inherently relaxed about things in general. Regardless of whether all the boxes of their tasks are ticked or not, they can have fun. They focus more on the present rather than the future. “Rocks” are more future centric and are always focussed on making it secure. ‘Kites’ make relationships easy, interesting and fun.

As much as the “Rock” appears more sensible than the “Kite”, a successful relationship is a melange of both. Without the “Rock”, the relationship can go haywire with no sails to let it sail through. A relationship can get mundane by the absence of a “Kite”. It would lose the spontaneity and fun essential to stimulate a relationship. Like the magnetic force that pulls on ferromagnetic materials like iron, a ‘Rock’ and a ‘Kite’ create their own magnetic field of attraction.

I have observed people wanting to change their partners basis their own type. A serious, logical person would look down upon his/her partner misperceiving them as frivolous and immature. A fun loving ‘Kite’ would constantly feel their partner takes life too seriously and typecast the relationship. Trying to change your partner would be a recipe for disaster. Accept your ‘Rock’ or your ‘Kite’. Let the ‘Kite’ glide in a ‘Rock’-solid relationship. Happy Uttrayan!!