20 Nov

Impressive clarity, a rarity

A couple I had a session with recently, was in a dilemma if they should get married or not. They have been courting each other for quite some time. For some reason, the guy’s family doesn’t approve of the girl he is in love with. Though he is very clear about his decision to marry her, the girl is having second thoughts about the alliance. She’s had very unpleasant experiences meeting his family and feels somewhere her self-respect is being compromised. Not that they have to live with his family after marriage, but she is very sceptical about the entire proposition.

According to her, a marriage is always between two families rather than two individuals, even if they live on their own. She is very clear that she would want to be a part of his family as much as her own. If they must cut off from his family, what’s the point of wedlock? They can continue living in with each other for as long as they want.

She also feels that cutting off from his family would not be fair on him. He deserves as much love and affection from his own family as she does from her own. Everything can be hunky dory initially. But with time, no one can remain immune being away from one’s family forever.

No relationship remains constant over a period of time. With each passing day comes its own share of monotony, boredom, responsibilities and expectations. She thinks her relationship with her boyfriend is going through a phase which is neither new nor old. The couple considers each other to be the best of friends but feel the relationship has not remained stimulating enough. It’s a red flag for them already. Two individuals can rarely survive the roller coaster ride of a marriage unless supported by family. It’s a universal given. She says she would long for the love and care of the family she gets married to. Now, if his family cannot provide it, she doesn’t see the point in getting married unless the relationship provides something really special to compensate for the loss. Both are well aware of the void which can haunt them, if not filled with the right love and affection from the family members.

I am very impressed with the couple for thinking through all their apprehensions before they decide to tie the knot. Although the guy is torn between his family and his girlfriend, he is wanting to take the big step and support his girlfriend unconditionally. Impressive. The girl too impresses me for her realistic thinking about marriage and the life ahead. She knows, it’s not going to be a bed of roses and wants to tread the path only after being dead sure about her decision. With such clarity comes a decision which is filtered through numerous thought processes and experiences. Shakespeare would have said: “to marry or not to marry, that is the question.” What’s your answer?

05 Nov

Forget your partner, are you taking yourself for granted?

The biggest mistake that most couples make in intimate relationships, especially once married is to take each other for granted. We all know the repercussions of taking someone for granted. It only breeds monotony in the relationship and takes away the essence of the dynamics that once created the relationship. A universal deal breaker.

But another mistake almost every couple makes is taking themselves for granted. When one starts taking one’s own self for granted, one unconsciously starts disrupting the equation of the relationship. Many couples I meet, generally come up with one common complaint saying their partner has changed. Now, this happens when one starts taking oneself for granted.

Generally, at the onset of a new relationship, a couple would go out of their way to impress or please each other. They would try to be well groomed, keep themselves abreast with the latest news and happenings, dress up well and basically pamper themselves apart from pampering their partner. But once they get hitched, they don’t really feel the need to do much about themselves. When pointed out, they feel they have a right to be themselves in the relationship. Well, one doesn’t have to change one’s inherent self, but changing what was once showcased is kind of letting one’s partner down. There are so many husbands who expect their wives to look nice, while they are so dishevelled themselves.

A wife had filed a petition for divorce since she was fed up with her husband’s slovenliness. He refused to shave and shower. The husband was given a warning to mend his ways or else, they would grant her a divorce.

Taking one’s self for granted is like compromising with one’s self-esteem and feel good factors. Only if one feels good about one’s self, one can feel good about the relationship. How many times have we heard married couples looking at their wedding albums and comparing themselves to now. “I used to be so slim” or “I really liked the way I decked up then, compared to now” or “we look so happy”. Haven’t we heard wives being sarcastic to their husbands saying “you will always find her more attractive than me because she has a good figure” or a husband getting insecure when his wife praises her gym instructor. Who asked you to stop taking care of yourself?

Who is asking the husband or the wife to binge on food and drinks and put on weight? Eat well, exercise, dress up well, remain well-groomed and feed yourself with the right thoughts and knowledge. Be responsible for your own deeds and see what ensues. Taking yourself or your partner for granted, is not granted…