Impressive clarity, a rarity

A couple I had a session with recently, was in a dilemma if they should get married or not. They have been courting each other for quite some time. For some reason, the guy’s family doesn’t approve of the girl he is in love with. Though he is very clear about his decision to marry her, the girl is having second thoughts about the alliance. She’s had very unpleasant experiences meeting his family and feels somewhere her self-respect is being compromised. Not that they have to live with his family after marriage, but she is very sceptical about the entire proposition.

According to her, a marriage is always between two families rather than two individuals, even if they live on their own. She is very clear that she would want to be a part of his family as much as her own. If they must cut off from his family, what’s the point of wedlock? They can continue living in with each other for as long as they want.

She also feels that cutting off from his family would not be fair on him. He deserves as much love and affection from his own family as she does from her own. Everything can be hunky dory initially. But with time, no one can remain immune being away from one’s family forever.

No relationship remains constant over a period of time. With each passing day comes its own share of monotony, boredom, responsibilities and expectations. She thinks her relationship with her boyfriend is going through a phase which is neither new nor old. The couple considers each other to be the best of friends but feel the relationship has not remained stimulating enough. It’s a red flag for them already. Two individuals can rarely survive the roller coaster ride of a marriage unless supported by family. It’s a universal given. She says she would long for the love and care of the family she gets married to. Now, if his family cannot provide it, she doesn’t see the point in getting married unless the relationship provides something really special to compensate for the loss. Both are well aware of the void which can haunt them, if not filled with the right love and affection from the family members.

I am very impressed with the couple for thinking through all their apprehensions before they decide to tie the knot. Although the guy is torn between his family and his girlfriend, he is wanting to take the big step and support his girlfriend unconditionally. Impressive. The girl too impresses me for her realistic thinking about marriage and the life ahead. She knows, it’s not going to be a bed of roses and wants to tread the path only after being dead sure about her decision. With such clarity comes a decision which is filtered through numerous thought processes and experiences. Shakespeare would have said: “to marry or not to marry, that is the question.” What’s your answer?