Monthly Archives: March 2019

No marriage guarantees to last forever with all its passion and connection intact.  A fact known by all but believed by some. A couple tying the knot is under a spell which makes them believe their marriage will be very different from all other marriages and that their love would last forever. Superlatively positive yet distorted thinking. If couples continue to exist in a fool’s paradise, they are bound to feel disappointed, frustrated and heartbroken when their marriage fails to even its scale with their beliefs, dreams and expectations.

A couple tends to magnify its initial phase of love and passion. Once monotony sets in, they outgrow this first phase and get into the mundane phase, causing strong withdrawal symptoms. They can’t get over the initial euphoria which makes them jittery. A couple starts feeling their partner has changed when actually it is the phase that has changed. Without realizing it, they start the blame game.

The biggest problem with most couples is that they are not well equipped to deal with their problems effectively. Sometimes they make their problems even worse due to lack of any expertise to cope with their issues. This results in conflicts remaining unresolved and causing a long term disconnect. It’s not really their fault especially if it’s a first marriage since every day is a new day and every experience is a learning experience.

Every couple needs to be realistic about their marital goals. The first step in any marriage or for that matter any serious relationship is the acceptance of the fact that ‘nothing lasts forever.’ One should be mindful of the fact that it will keep changing, transforming and evolving continuously. As soon as a marriage gets a little tarnished, people can’t help comparing it to the initial blissful state they were basking in and end up feeling blue. Going through a marital cycle is inevitable, but the key to cope with the transition lies in learning new skills and gaining the tools that can enable a couple to navigate through these changing phases.

What works for you may not work for some other marriage or some other individual. Create your own skillset and dynamics that best work for you and make your marriage meaningful. When you know nothing lasts forever, why run after an illusion? Follow the reality and  happiness will run after you.

Most of the parents who come to me complaint about their teenagers not listening to them. They seem to defy them about anything and everything – right from not eating right, not studying enough to wasting time on their gadgets et. al. Rebelliousness in terms of not taking a shower on time or not wearing apt clothes befitting a particular occasion included. More than children, parents need some lessons here. After all, they seem to conveniently forget ‘what you sow is what you reap.’

What kind of a teenager, a child turns out to be, what kind of a bond a child and parents share, how close they are et. al. solely depends on the amount of time invested by the parents. The foundation is laid right from the time a baby is born. Did the parents spend maximum time with their infants when they needed them the most? Something as small as reading a bed time story in a child’s formative years makes a world of a difference. Its like putting money into a bank account and watching it grow. Such associations help to build a strong relationship, increase vocabulary, aid to introduce the right morals, feed their imagination apart from a plethora of other benefits.

It’s as simple as parents who don’t read always have difficulties in convincing their children to read. With the internet and television being the biggest competitors to books, reading can get worse. Not just academics, children should be encouraged to read fiction to assist them to cultivate an interest in reading. Fiction eases the anxieties of children and adolescents since it introduces them to an array of characters and situations they can relate to and can find ways to deal with life just the way these characters did.

Children can’t be expected to be weaned off their gadgets, when they see their parents glued to their phones, tabs or televisions all the time. Healthy eating habits of parents get rubbed on to children. But when parents eat out or order in food, children are bound to emulate. Expecting them to eat right is not right, right?

As someone said “Cultivate your craft (of parenthood). Water it daily, pour some tender loving care into it, and watch it grow. Remember that a plant doesn’t sprout immediately. Be patient and know that in life you will reap what you sow.”

Technology infused times have an apparent bearing on contemporary relationships. Thanks to it, courting couples are continuously connected – a boon and a bane indeed. Being connected feels phenomenal and how. But that hardly lasts. And technology is not the standalone factor for the short shelf life of that initial connect brimming with bliss. Technology users are equally responsible. Owning a cell phone and perching on some common social media platform doesn’t give its user the power to snoop on one’s partner all the time. The charm of waiting and longing to hear from that someone special dissipates in no time. Enquiring or reporting continuously about one’s whereabouts, status report etc can erode any relationship. Feeling stifled can turn the dynamics of the entire relationship. Courtesy, an overdose of connect.

Every relationship needs space. But most couples fear giving it generously since they have trust issues. Even without cell phones, relationships have blossomed and lasted since time immemorial. If people think, by keeping a watch on one’s partner one can refrain them from doing what they are doing, are completing mistaken. Where there is love and mutual respect, relationships are never compromised.

Trust is the basis of any relationship. It doesn’t come easy and takes years of investment. But the biggest mistake most couples make is to become vary about their partners from day one. Their insecurities trigger a behaviour which works inverse and comes in the way of developing trust. The partner being at the receiving end will eventually be convinced that he/she is not being trusted. Lack of trust can cause severe psychological impact on the relationship.

The bottom line is you can either trust someone or you can’t. Whether you can trust your partner or not can become evident in no time. If you can’t trust your partner, basis some truth, it’s not worth being with him/her. But it’s even worse to continue in a relationship and wanting to keep your partner under constant supervision. It will only drive you both crazy.

We know it’s very easy to forge or sever a bond through social media. WhatsApp’s ‘online’ or ‘last seen at status’ is known to make or mar relationships. But instead of the ‘last seen’ status, why not have ‘last seen with’ feature for our self-proclaimed ‘moral polices’? A word to the wise, use technology wisely otherwise…