Monthly Archives: May 2015

“I love him, but I am not in love with him” or “I am extremely fond of her, but she is not my type”. “I like him a lot but…..”

Aren’t our ears used to hearing these every now and then? It’s very common, especially with today’s generation. It’s so easy for them to fall in love and fall out of love! The initial phase of romance fades away and so does the relationship. And soon it is time for another one. Or even with the same one, the complexion changes its tide with time.

How often have we seen couples expressing their infinite love for each other only to express their disdain later? Broken promises eroding the commitment?

Even with couples who have had a lasting relationship are wary of committing themselves into a marriage. They don’t mind ‘living in’ with their partner. But wouldn’t want to ‘live’ with them for ever. How bizarre is that!!

Why has it become increasingly difficult to take the relationship to the altar? Why has the term ‘love’ diluted its essence of binding two people together? Is it the set of responsibilities that go with it? Or is it a general fear to commit? Dipping intolerance levels could be a deterring factor too. Dashed hopes and dreams of some unrealistic goals can be the culprit. May be with rampant divorces in the offing, couples are slowly losing faith in the institution of marriage.

Are men more prone to being commitment phobics than women? Well, this was very much the scenario a few years ago, but today, women are equally sceptical about committing for life. Although both have reasons galore to justify their inability to commit, their reasoning may have very different logic. For men, it’s more of an intrusion on their personal space, for a working woman her financial independence is at stake with a marriage. A man may find it difficult to be bound by some rules at home, the woman may feel her individuality and freedom are threatened. So, a basketball match over the weekend may be substituted by another event taking priority. Lack of sleep and ‘me time’ may be compromised by the time taken to cook and some household chores to follow. It is difficult to draw a line between who feels what, but these are some common problems marking the reality of today.

Is it really difficult to get married and remain so? Why doesn’t the larger picture in a marriage supersede   these small issues, dictating the decisions of many? Can’t one get married and still enjoy what one did before or is it really a task to share the household chores so that neither is overburdened? Nothing can be more wonderful than living with a spouse you are in love with and enjoying the life’s little big treasures. Marriage is one of the most priceless and beautiful milestones in a person’s life. Why run away from it? Why seek intimacy without intricacy? Is it worth it???

Seven year itch is passé. What followed was a three year itch. Needless to say, that too is obsolete. As if the six month itch was not enough, the latest is a three month itch. Years have turned to months and do I dare say it can turn into weeks??? Well, I certainly hope not.

Why does a marriage have to be an eye opener for a relationship? Is it the familiarity, the taken for granted attitude or the demystification of too many facets in a marriage? Every relationship goes through a cycle of stages which become impossible to skip. Each stage comes with its own share of charm. Fundamentally, the relationship should keep growing with time. Why do couples find it difficult to feel the same way about a marriage as they once did? Changes in a relationship are inevitable. And surpassing certain stages in a marriage cycle unavoidable. Analogy of a plant suits this aspect the best. The more we nurture it, the better it grows. Physical love grows into emotional love over a period of time, public display of affections convert to silent communication patterns, meant to be understood only by the partners. Nothing can be more beautiful that growing with your partner not just chronologically but also as a person. Mentally stimulating marriages are a product of long years of togetherness.

Why not make the institution of marriage itch free and convert blissful days into weeks and months of romance, to years of love and affection? Accept, agree and act, young couples of today!!!!! Make your marriage the envy of the world.

Studies say that most of the couples on the verge of a divorce are compelled to hold back because of their children. Children tend to be severely affected by a broken relationship of their parents. Especially if they are at an impressionable age it becomes even harder for them to accept the change. Well, this is true to an extent, but it is something which has got more to do with the parents’ mind-set than being actually affected by it. People are conditioned into believing that children can have a scarred childhood if they experience a broken home. Not that this is not completely true, but the views are changing. The reality is changing.

Being a witness to everyday conflicts at home, can have a very long lasting negative influence on children. Parents need to realize that divorce or separation can be inevitable not just for them as a couple, but also for the children. Wellbeing of the family can be at stake in an irreconcilable marriage. Bringing up a child in a peaceful environment at home is extremely important for the overall growth and development of a child.

Child psychologists and counsellors can help children cope with any unwanted change in their life due to an untoward event. Adjusting to a new environment can be challenging. Rendering proper support to cope and adjust to a new setting can easily help children go through a smooth transition.

Professional help is often underestimated in such cases. But in fact, statistics prove that children with a counselling session history tend to do much better – emotionally and physically than children who are left to fend for themselves, literally and metaphorically as well…

Debates on whether a divorce is the correct solution to a marital problem has been on for a long time. Usually an average, educated, common urban person going through a turmoil in one’s marriage will tend to side with divorce and the so called fringe benefits. As much as it is dependent upon the nature of the conflict in a marriage, it has been proved that a lot of marriages can be salvaged with the correct approach towards making it work. Of course, there are exceptional marriages which are better off being called off then worked on. But those would include only a minuscule percent of the population.

Conflict resolution techniques and acquisition of necessary skillsets to deal with a difficult marriage can certainly act as a magical wand. Different techniques of conflict resolution is something which would require seeking professional expertise, but the required skillsets is something which can certainly be imbibed by couples with a positive frame of mind. ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’ just cannot go wrong here. If a couple decides to remain married and committed to a lifelong relationship, there are ways innumerable to make it work. Failure to acquire the relevant skills for a marriage should not lead to dejection. There are very many skills which work differently for different people. Universal skills being the same, there are certain characteristics which can be identified better by an expert dealing with relationship issues. Common skills ranging from maturity – emotional and financial to effective communication in married couples to slightly complex ones like emotional equilibrium, cultural balancing, realistic goal setting etc. can be an elixir in most of the cases.

Seeing a relationship expert is no longer a taboo especially in Asian countries . People are following the west not just in terms of having fragile marriages but also in terms of making it work through counsellors and relationship therapists. More and more people are seeking professional advice on numerous life challenging situations. Marriage counselling is just one of them. If couples continue living in a marriage based on what made them get into a it in the first place, can definitely play a pivotal role in helping it last for ever. But then nothing lasts for ever, so why not make the most while it lasts…..

The age old adage ‘blood is thicker than water’ doesn not hold true as it once did. Its meaning and form have indeed diluted.
This merely proves how the complexion of relationships have changed over a period of time. Regardless of whether a
relationship is blood or otherwise, it goes through its own course of ups and downs, highs and lows, sweetness and bitterness, so on and so forth.

The term ‘relationships’ can have so many connotations. Relationships can be infinite. And it has become increasingly difficult to nurture our own relationships.Partners dont get along with each other despite being in a relationship, married couples find it hard to remain committed, siblings can’t see eye to eye,parents and children have problems with one another, friendships dont last as it once used to. Whom do we blame for this change?
As much as people play the blame game, nitpick on others and hold them responsible for their troubled relationships, no one actually blames him/herself
to the cause of the failure.

Have you ever realized that people seldom have problems at their work place? Despite the differences, cordial relations are usually maintained.
The primary reason for this is that we are often trained to behave in a particular fashion in an organization. There are so many human resource theories
endorsing the same. As a thumbrule, it becomes imperative to get along at work.Students of management and organizational behaviour are imparted
specialized training to become ‘people friendly’. Now, the question is, why can’t the same be applied to our personal relationships? If individuals
are taught the techniques to deal effectively with their relationships, the rate and frequency of conflicts would go down drastically. People will be able
to handle their relationships beautifully. Differences are inevitable. But with proper training and insight, it can become a second nature to cope, adjust
and adapt to the changing cycle of a relationship.

Since there is no formal training available to deal with one’s personal relationships, help can be sought through a qualified psychologist or a counselor.
Often people resort to psychiatrists and clinical psychologists for their personal issues. A big misconception of people is at play here. First and foremost
they don’t realize the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist. A psychiatrist is a person with a background in medicine. A psychologist is
a qualified person who studies the human behaviour. The field of psychology is vast and its scope wide. A clinical psychologist can only help in a limited
way. Since the nature of relationships can not always be treated in a clinical way, it becomes very essential to get help from a person specialized in
relationships, life coaching, mentoring etc.

The stigma attached to people seeing a psychiatrist or a psychologist has waned like in the West. More and more people are becoming aware of their
mental/behavioural problems at hand. A society with people who are not just physically healthy, but also mentally fit can work wonders for their
overall growth and betterment. Relationships have an intrinsic role to play in this. Happy and fulfilling relationships can have a cascading effect
on all the other aspects of our life. Hence the importance and relevance of relationships should never be undermined. Although people tend to
underestimate the significance of a healthy relationship, there are a lot of principles which postulate the substance of a wholesome relationship.

Any relationship, big or small, close or distant has its share of benefits to our self worth.