24 Nov

Gratefulness, a universal elixir

Thanksgiving, the annual festival in the west tells me why can’t we make our lives more meaningful by thanking not just the Almighty but also the people around who made a difference to us in some way? There can be innumerable reasons to feel thankful about. Gratitude can change the essence of our very living.

Being thankful to people who have been good to us should become a given. Human nature unfortunately doesn’t always know how to count one’s blessings. We are so preoccupied by what is lacking in our lives that we tend to become oblivious to what continues to be good. The big question is how do we make gratitude it a part of our disposition? Given the stressful times of today, every one of us is so engrossed meeting the challenges that we cannot possibly focus on being grateful. The best way to do this is to remember that no one has a perfect life. Kings to beggars, millionaires to slumdwellers have their own share of problems. After all, happiness is relative.

In a city like Mumbai, where thousands of people are racing against time to make the ends meet in varying capacities, there are people who manage to keep themselves happy. It’s very common to see slumdwellers regaling in every festival – children to adults making merry in their festively lit up slums.

The moment we become grateful even when a situation is not ideal, we can alter our living. We could be extremely irritated, upset or angry with someone who has probably hurt us beyond the realms of our forgiveness. But the moment we try to thank them for whatever they did, we would feel emancipated. For it will drive away all the negativity engulfed within. Every experience is a learning lesson. By thanking the person who wronged us, we are transforming our perception, not about that person but of the event which caused us pain.

We will never get that perfect partner, job or a house, but we should be thankful for at least having a partner, a job or a house. People change, jobs change, situations change. The transition from imperfect to perfect and vice versa is inevitable yet unpredictable. The key here is to   learn to feel perfect despite the imperfections.  Perfect the art of gratefulness.

10 Nov

You can’t undo the past

Saal Mubarak to all my readers. Tell me, with ‘saal mubaraks’ received aplenty, how do you go about making your new year wishes come true? By simply remembering what’s done cannot be undone’. If you etch this in your minds you cannot go wrong in life.

How pointless it is to cry over spilled milk, similarly fretting over what’s already done is futile. When you realize the significance of this worthless act, you can keep your mental distress at bay, especially marital distress.  When you know you can’t change something, you tend to accept it – regardless of whether you approve of it or not. Whether you like it or not. I have seen so many clients constantly brooding over their spouses’ mistakes, only to lament over it time and again. They can’t get over their partners’ adultery but want to continue with their marriage. They are neither ready to forget nor forgive. According to me, it is a terrible state to be in. You either get out of something you don’t approve of or try to get over it. Or else it becomes impossible for the strayed partner to get over it too. To be in a marriage which is dictated by barbs and jibes, taunts and sarcasm is not a marriage. the same applies to vices too. Instead of nagging your partner, courage to get over the past, move on with the present and look forward to a better future should be the order of the day. Constantly reminding him/her about their past is like scratching a healing wound.

Regrets are another way of defying our ‘done-undone’ mantra. Regrets lead to remorse and breed negativity, making the unpleasant worse. You can never undo what’s done, so why be regretful? Treat all your regrets as lessons learnt and move on.  Don’t waste your time and energy regretting things you have no control over. When you learn to leave behind the nonessential baggage behind, it makes life much more meaningful.

The most powerful tool to make our mar our behaviour, our thinking affects anything and everything, anybody and everybody associated with us. So, if we remember that we cannot undo what’s done, we can improve the quality of our thoughts and thus make life easy for everyone around us.  Without much ado, try to not to undo what’s done. For I am done…

03 Nov

Feel light this festival of lights

Diwali, the festival of lights symbolises brightness and happiness. The big question is how many of us feel our lives are bright and happy? Cliched as it may sound, it is we who can add the zing to our lives to make it happy. While there are multiple ways of doing it since everyone defines happiness differently, I think the easiest way to do it is by not sweating the small stuff. Especially in relationships, if we stop sweating the small stuff, we can bring in a lot of love, peace and harmony. The next step is to define ‘the small stuff’. What is ‘small’ and what is ‘big’? Again, this is completely individual, though if try to perceive most of the things as small and irrelevant (after a lapse of time), we can make our lives meaningful with zero scope for mental disequilibrium.

By focussing on not sweating the small stuff in relationships, we can go a long way in beating stress. Getting hassled about why your spouse/partner was rude? Why did he/she not respond to your text? Why did they pay extra attention to ‘that’ friend? Why was your partner not in his elements? Why did he/she refuse to go out when you were so keen? Why did they play a damp squib when you were so excited about planning an impending trip?  Why did he/she appear so withdrawn? Why was their behaviour cold? The ‘whys’ can be countless. If we try to address each ‘why’, not only would we stress our partner, but also ourselves and in the process our relationships. Everyone has a bad day – our partners and us included. If we treat them with understanding and an open mind, we can deal with the situation better. Both partners need to realize the triviality of things. Conflicts always stem from trivial issues. How we filter these issues matter.

If we train our minds to stop sweating the small stuff, we can make a lot of difference to ourselves and our lives. The feeling it generates is second to none. But I wouldn’t recommend following this for ‘bigger stuff’ – be the fire cracker of Diwali to blow up your bigger issues if required. Otherwise don’t sweat the small stuff. Hope you feel light during this festival of lights. May this Diwali illuminate your life. Wishing you a bright and sparkling Diwali.