Monthly Archives: November 2016

I have seen so many women/wives lose their ability to eat, sleep or look at their phones without worrying about their men. They are so obsessed that their mind is continuously in an over drive, trying to brood over every little detail related to their man – why has he become distant, why hasn’t he called, what could have gone wrong etc. ‘The man’ here takes complete charge.  Letting the man take control of the woman’s thoughts and actions is like giving him the remote-control of her life.

Why does it have to be that way? Even when the obsession has not reached pathological levels, living with constant insecurity that he might move away, imagining a life without him – without any valid reasons, that feeling of dread in the stomach, are bad enough and can make one feel sick and worthless. Everything is planned around him, whatever is said or unsaid is thought a million times before being conveyed to him. His mood swings are attributed to anything but him, and if he withdraws, an extra effort is made to be ‘nicer’ and ‘more understanding’. He is put on a pedestal. It’s a wrong notion that doing all this will work wonders for a relationship. On the contrary, it can turn him away in the long run.

Men and women are wired differently. Women are more caring, sensitive and expressive. But that doesn’t mean one should give oneself up for a man, any man for that matter. Not being able to be yourself in a relationship is the first fallacy most couples especially women make. This is seldom the fault of the partner. It’s up to you how you can be yourself. It’s a big turn on for a man to see his woman very comfortable in her own skin. The relationship which blossoms because of two honest, confident, open and free spirited individuals can be beautiful beyond words.

It is always nice to make your man an important part of your life. But you should not allow him to become the ONLY important part of your life. You also need to keep the focus on you. You should be able to look at the larger picture of life. You should not give up on your hobbies, passion and interests.  All this will give you some time to take your mind off him. And once you start doing that, it will help you connect with him in a refreshed way. Even if you have something to communicate to him, you will be able to do it uninhibitedly without any reservations. He will be pleasantly surprised to notice that there’s no pressure in being with you. You will exuberate that confidence which will put him at ease about being himself too. The energy you will generate will be so different from what you have been used to till now. Instead of constantly working towards getting his interest and attention all the time, you will be at peace with yourself.  All the negativity will dissipate.

Get your relationship back on track with these small steps. Your man could at best be your partner in this journey of life, remember he is not the destination. You must always remember that it’s about your life and happiness too.  After all, no relationship can last if it is not evenly scaled…

Mood swing is more like a see saw than a swing. Ironical!! A common phenomenon which affects all. As much as it is very natural for human beings to have mood swings, frequent and intense mood swings can have severe implications on self and the people around. It is so easy for someone to be negative, difficult and then to blame it all on one’s mood. Most of the time, the mood swing spirals downward rather than upwards, and it normally makes a person more despondent. Sometimes a chemical change in the brain and at others a physiological change could be the trigger Regardless of what the contributing factor is, a mood swing can breed trouble in a relationship.

All human beings have mood variations. It is impossible to portray a uniform mood continuously. What can be alarming is the outburst of frequent oscillating moods. An early warning signal of some deep-rooted factors at play.

Mood swings can be positive or negative. Well not literally though! Paradoxical as it may sound, negative mood can be a positive and vice versa.  Normally, an upswing in mood would have an ‘open arms acceptability’, and only a downswing in mood would be a matter of concern. But that’s not always true. Some people have basic predisposition to be happy and cheerful. But a showcase of extra exuberance for short spans from time to time can signify a person’s instability and wavering mind. Can also be a manifestation of anxiety or depression. Here the mood elevates only to dip the very next instance. This is more dangerous than people depicting sad or gloomy temperament. Negative mood swings can be a manifestation of some underlying factors like insecurities, fears, low self-esteem, frustrations, stress, pressure etc. and don’t necessarily spell trouble. Communication becomes a key factor here. Partners at the receiving end need to find out what could be causing this distress in their partner. It could be the result of a relationship malfunction. Such couples need to talk it over. Certain disturbing issues can be brought out through a discussion.

Partners with frequent mood swing tendencies – even after helping them address their problems, should be dealt with differently. When it becomes a habit and if not nipped in the bud it can be devastating. If not addressed, the suppressed or repressed feelings can continue to remain dormant till it gets beyond the pale. The relationship thus becomes vulnerable and would have all the chances of tearing apart. And here both the partners are at fault in more or less proportion. One, for displaying and the other for encouraging. Tolerating it is feeding it. It only gets incremental with time. Such eruption should never be endured beyond a point.  People take it more out of the need to avoid conflict, temper tantrums and to maintain peace. Unfortunately, such short-term gains never promise a peaceful future. Can be extremely taxing to be a target every now and then. So, what you allow will continue.

Relationships are the highest indicators of happiness. Let your mood index be full of such happiness created by a meaningful relationship. After all you want to swing happily and not let your moods swing!!!

Financial incompatibility can always pinch an otherwise sound relationship. Spendthrifts and misers can never be compatible. It becomes very important to find a common ground for the relationship to sustain, especially when such extremities are at play. A study on how money impacts the overall happiness in a relationship revealed that happy couples have different money habits compared to not so happy couples. Bad money habits can lead to hardships in the long run and can possibly lead to a breakup.  Avoiding a few mistakes can certainly help.

• Evading money talks – most couples make the mistake of avoiding this significant topic and thus jeopardize their relationship’s happiness. It has been proved that couples who talk about money more than those who don’t, have higher chances to be successful in their relationship. Money related issues are very personal and sharing them is like sharing a personal goal or a dream. And this can draw a couple close to each other. It’s a great way to get to know each other.

• Taking too long to discuss -Waiting too long to discuss money related issues can be one of the biggest blunders couples make. A person’s money habits always reflect some of the life choices he or she makes. There can be different takes though. Someone may wish to work hard to make money only to indulge in luxuries. While someone else may work hard to make money, not to indulge in luxuries but to afford a healthy retirement in the future. Here we have multiples perspectives – someone who spends freely on luxuries, could either be perceived as generous or careless.  While someone who saves eagerly could be perceived as either farsighted or stingy.  It’s all about how comfortable a couple is about these differences. Procrastinating money conversations would be a big fallacy since working out the differences sooner rather than later is always beneficial.

• Maintaining separate bank accounts is a no – gone are the days when money was handled only by one person. Sharing money is an important aspect for a happy relationship. A survey found that people who kept their money separate were less happy compared to those who shared. Similarly, using separate credit and debit cards also has the same impact. The more financial resources the couples share, the closer they feel about working towards a common goal – be it investments, retirement, savings, loans etc.

• Not budgeting money for entertainment and personal indulgences – while savings and investments never hurt, one should always keep some money aside for gifts and vacations. These two ingredients are very important for the mental health of couples. Prioritizing and budgeting for holidays and gifts can create enormous happiness in a relationship.

• Never keep financial secrets – while any secrecy always hampers a relationship, a financial secret is an absolute no. Frequent secret purchases, secret lending, borrowing or spending on someone outside the relationship can create trust issues in the couple.  Here the damage is not done by money but by secrecy and money only becomes the tool, which is not at all worth it.

• Avoid significant credit card debts – again a survey revealed that the ratio of happiness in couples who had major credit card debts was much lower compared to those with less or no debt.

Money is the link between the present and the future of your relationship. Please do not underestimate the significance of its implications. I strongly believe in what someone very aptly said: “If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right!”