I have seen so many women/wives lose their ability to eat, sleep or look at their phones without worrying about their men. They are so obsessed that their mind is continuously in an over drive, trying to brood over every little detail related to their man – why has he become distant, why hasn’t he called, what could have gone wrong etc. ‘The man’ here takes complete charge. Letting the man take control of the woman’s thoughts and actions is like giving him the remote-control of her life.
Why does it have to be that way? Even when the obsession has not reached pathological levels, living with constant insecurity that he might move away, imagining a life without him – without any valid reasons, that feeling of dread in the stomach, are bad enough and can make one feel sick and worthless. Everything is planned around him, whatever is said or unsaid is thought a million times before being conveyed to him. His mood swings are attributed to anything but him, and if he withdraws, an extra effort is made to be ‘nicer’ and ‘more understanding’. He is put on a pedestal. It’s a wrong notion that doing all this will work wonders for a relationship. On the contrary, it can turn him away in the long run.
Men and women are wired differently. Women are more caring, sensitive and expressive. But that doesn’t mean one should give oneself up for a man, any man for that matter. Not being able to be yourself in a relationship is the first fallacy most couples especially women make. This is seldom the fault of the partner. It’s up to you how you can be yourself. It’s a big turn on for a man to see his woman very comfortable in her own skin. The relationship which blossoms because of two honest, confident, open and free spirited individuals can be beautiful beyond words.
It is always nice to make your man an important part of your life. But you should not allow him to become the ONLY important part of your life. You also need to keep the focus on you. You should be able to look at the larger picture of life. You should not give up on your hobbies, passion and interests. All this will give you some time to take your mind off him. And once you start doing that, it will help you connect with him in a refreshed way. Even if you have something to communicate to him, you will be able to do it uninhibitedly without any reservations. He will be pleasantly surprised to notice that there’s no pressure in being with you. You will exuberate that confidence which will put him at ease about being himself too. The energy you will generate will be so different from what you have been used to till now. Instead of constantly working towards getting his interest and attention all the time, you will be at peace with yourself. All the negativity will dissipate.
Get your relationship back on track with these small steps. Your man could at best be your partner in this journey of life, remember he is not the destination. You must always remember that it’s about your life and happiness too. After all, no relationship can last if it is not evenly scaled…