Direct communication – a relationship booster

A latest trend I have  experienced of late is this peculiar phenomenon wherein couples are struggling to communicate directly. Communication has become indirect and somehow the ability to communicate effectively – what needs to be conveyed is lost. Communication takes the form of beating around the bush, without getting to the crux of the matter.

Couples are wary in conveying what they want to, for reasons galore. And when they decide to, the medium generally used is the social media, these days. Couples post articles and images on Facebook reflecting their thoughts, expecting their partner to understand the gist of their message, without any direct effort to make them realize its addressed to him/her.  WhatsApp is another platform used to open the eyes of the partner. As a result of this an over flow of sarcasm comes into play sometimes. The result, further dip in communication.  These kinds of communicating patterns hamper the relationship rather than repair it.

During a family therapy session, I was quite surprised – not at all pleasantly though to see the immediate family members connect with each other through a group chat.  Resorting to an internet platform to communicate with one’s family seems and sounds horrifying.  And they wanted to bridge the gap of disconnectedness. What got them to connect digitally more than personally? The root of the problem can be complex. From not being heard, to lack of empathy towards one another, disinterest and indifference can make communication take a backseat. The easiest way then becomes through texting. At least one knows for a fact that the messages won’t fall to deaf ears or blind eyes. Unfortunately, the art of meeting and conversing with people is almost lost.

We live in technology soaked times where ironically communication has become so much easier. Connecting with anyone under the sun is no big deal. Then why this big gap in interpersonal communication among the loved ones? In the process of communicating with everybody but our very closed ones, whom we often take for granted, we have shut ourselves to them, their feelings and at times to their existence. It becomes an addiction to communicate virtually. Weaning off process sometimes requires therapy.

The toll which lack of communication can take on a relationship is a universal given. People are aware of this major relationship detractor. But by the time this is dawned upon, it gets detrimental to a relationship equation. And in desperation to mend it, it leads to secondary rather than primary communication. The resentment grows so deep that it often takes the form of bitterness, taunts and cynicism which is like adding fuel to the fire. The courage to communicate effectively and directly is daunting for most of the people. Why wait for things to get out of hand?

If one cannot be one self to put forward one’s feelings or thoughts without any fears, apprehensions or reservations, the relationship is not worth it and its time to communicate this to your partner. It’s time to muster your courage and say what you must!! It’s not distance which keeps people apart, its lack of communication, rather lack of direct straightforward communication.