Togetherness simplified

What is that one ingredient which keeps a relationship going? And when I say going I mean it as going real ‘smoothly’. As much as it is individual in terms of what clicks for whom and how, I can list quite a few elements which can keep a relationship ticking. To start with, its of course love which forms the basis, followed by physical and emotional dependence on each other, security and finally the habit which gets the partners used to each other. This entire cyclical process is universal and applied to all. But it is also at an equal risk of turning to mundane, monotonous association causing boredom. Remember, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’?

What is that main element which keeps a couple together? According to me it’s the mental or intellectual stimulation. As long as this exists in a relationship, no matter how old the connection, it would continue growing. Ideally, when two people share the same wavelength and interests, it does become easier to stimulate, but one doesn’t have to be on the same page. There are ways and means of stimulating one’s partner emotionally. Trying to share common interests, despite not having too much in common helps. Infinite techniques have been developed to learn the art of physical stimulation, since times immemorial, but unfortunately, the role of emotional stimulation continues to be undermined.

How does one emotionally connect with a person? One needs to have a high degree of emotional quotient for this. Now, again there is a difference between the two. Emotional quotient makes sure that our emotional levels stay up to a healthy level. The moment the levels rise or deplete, the threshold of anomaly is crossed, never a healthy sign of a stable emotional person. For eg, a person may be angry. This is normal. But the moment this anger starts preceding over everything else around, is unhealthy. The sign of a developed emotional quotient is control over one’s extreme emotions. Maybe, I can elaborate a little more on EQ in one of my upcoming blogs. But right now I don’t want to shift my focus from mental or emotional stimulation to make a relationship not just work, but work wonders.

The best possible way to do this is to control and manoeuvre not just one’s own emotions but also try to manage one’s partner’s emotions. The skill is in synchronising two different emotions and creating a third one. I may be exuberant about something. My partner may not reflect a similar feeling. Best possible solution would be to reach the middle ground. The key is to contain and maybe replace our current emotion with something both the partners enjoy. Exuberance can be toned down to an emotion which triggers some common interest and comfort. With practice, the shift is easy. Maybe start talking about a common book, film or art. See some common friends or family liked by both. Indulge in some activity together – a game, cards or quiz. Visit a favourite restaurant, take a walk together, sing a favourite song, listen to some music together or just dance. One doesn’t need to be an intellect to resort to these doings together. Theoretical as it may sound, such activities can certainly charge up one’s emotions positively.

Emotions are always temporary. Emotional stimulation can be learnt by targeting a single emotion at a time. Gradually by merging a couple of emotions, multiple emotions can be handled over a period of time. The challenge is to divert the negative emotions in the partner to positive ones. Set your emotions in motion and revel in your real life motion picture…. Any guesses for the end – happy of course!!!!