All individuals are unique. All couples are different. All marriages are distinct! One of the daunting tasks for couples of today is their inability to communicate. It indeed is an irony given the technology soaked times we are living in. Communication is the key to a successful relationship, especially to long and healthy marriages. Lack of it can be really fatal for a marriage. While there are number of facets to communication, I would like to look at apologies today. An extremely generous form of communication initially, finds its use tapered to a minimum, with time. Courtesy our inflated egos.
I have frequently noticed that the ego game with people in similar age group, especially in a marriage is pretty strong. One may not realize, but being egoistical can affect the communication process adversely. It is subconsciously manifested in our language and behaviours with our significant other.
One simple question to a couple I was seeing had no answer to: “when was the last time they said “sorry” to each other?” Maybe the last time was when they were courting each other. And maybe that time it was said at the drop of the hat. Why does this five character word lose its worth with time?
One partner may generally be the first to apologise. And this tendency might be taken by the other person as the fault of the person apologising, which is seldom true. Faults in a marriage are attributable to both, but the person apologising first has only mastered this art to put the differences behind and start afresh.
Why is it so taxing to say sorry? Is it because we are not ready to bare it all and appear vulnerable? It’s a battle of the heart over the head where the heart gets impervious of what it wants to say or do – hereby starting the downward spiral of open-communication, the bedrock of a relationship. It is easy to get lost in the quagmire of this resurfaced ego.
In the heat of the moment you might huff and puff, but when you do realise, even if it’s the next day or a week later, that you weren’t as innocent as you thought, it’s won’t be too late to walk up to your partner and spill your feelings and apologise . Even if your communication is non-existent, apologising can help you both open up about your dormant feelings, making each other realize, you are still the same person you fell in love with.
Go sit down with them, communicate, apologise. Maybe they will respond. May be they will not. If they don’t, ask them if it’s their ego, that’s getting in the way. If they truly love you and feel what you feel, they will hear you. They might just realise that it was never you or them that were the cause of the relationship fatigue. It was the ego that swelled up the arteries of emotion and restricted the flow of communication that has led to the laundry list of issues.
Detox your relationship, start again, apologise.