This time I am writing about a couple whom I am not seeing. Well, actually I do see them from time to time. Weird as it may sound, they make a very interesting study. Regulars at all social gatherings, they fall in our social circuit. While they paint a very rosy picture about themselves, the reality, I have figured is very different. They may have been successful in deceiving others or even themselves, but haven’t been able to escape my insightful eyes. Courtesy my modest amount of experience.
This couple is married for more than a decade. They are second to none with their Public Display of Affection (PDA) for each other. The natural initial fondness of a new found relationship manifested through eyes more than through any other physical gestures is very different to deliberate manifestations. Haven’t we all gotten used to PDAs on social media? Spouses wishing each other on anniversaries or birthday greetings conveyed through an internet platform. Defies the logic of staying under the same roof. An external support sought for a task so difficult to accomplish on a one to one basis.
Coming back to this couple, they are also famous or rather infamous for their public spats. Public affection being replaced by public spar in the flash of a moment. Why the paradox? Let me start with the pointers that lead to a relationship malfunction. My first question – is public display of affection after being together for a reasonable amount of time, normal?
It has been proved that couples exhibiting their affections openly are normally the ones who are insecure about their relationships. Their display is for public consumption. Or maybe inadequacies are fed through such demonstrations. When resorted by both, it’s a huge indicator of relationship distress. With only one of the partners indulging in it, it’s more about the individual complexities.
Relationships are complex – given the dynamics of two different individuals brought together. Instead of trying to build an affectation of duality, why not accept the reality and work on the root of underlying factors causing relationship disequilibrium? Why share the illusory bond, when you can be connected steadfastly at a much higher level? My humble request to couples trapped in this deceptive association is:
- Be the best of who you really are – This can be done by being less defensive. Sometimes, perhaps because of previous bad experiences one has had, the level of anxiety one feels about a relationship gets so high that the anxiety itself starts to generate problems. It becomes a cause of trouble rather than a consequence of trouble. And it gets in the way of being or becoming who you really are.
- Learn how to add value to your partner – For a safe and secure relationship, this is very important. Your partner’s needs can be different from yours. Learning about what’s important to them can help. So, please add value and not judgement – a common mistake made by many.
One can never equate a façade built for public domain with a beautiful intimate space of togetherness crafted for each other.
Someone rightly said: “Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one.”
After all you don’t only want to look beautiful together in the public domain. Creating a beautiful intimate space of togetherness is what matters.