Is it difficult to trust your partner?

Trust is the basis of any relationship. It can make it or break it. Despite a trustworthy partner, are you struggling to trust? Find out more. Sagarika Shah, Co-founder, Psychologist and Relationship Therapist, Thought Counsel is here to share her insights on mental wellness and relationships.

Do you find it difficult to trust your partner? If you trust yourself with your partner, your partner will trust you. Now, I am not trying to insist that you trust your significant other. And I  know it’s not as easy for someone who cannot trust easily, given one’s past experiences and conditioning.

Trust in a relationship doesn’t start by you trusting your partner. It starts by you trusting yourself. It begins with a sense that no matter what your partner says or does, you will be alright. Which also means that you won’t put up with any bad or inconsistent behaviour, which makes him or her blow hot and cold, exhibit forms of neglect or disconnection. If you trust yourself, you will be very clear about the boundaries you set. It will make you be yourself around your partner by being warm, open, loving and easy-going. You will have the confidence to be yourself. Haven’t you all experienced that you are completely yourselves with your close friends. You don’t think twice before saying something. But when it comes to your relationships, you make those extra efforts, especially when the relationship is new. Extra efforts to look nice, speak right, do right etc. But those extra efforts can come in the way of building trust.

Now, there’s some psychology behind this. If you are yourself, and accept the way you are, you tend to respect yourself. When you are comfortable in your own skin, you will respect and accept your partner, warts and all. With respect and acceptance comes trust. That’s when you begin to trust each other, and the bond gets deeper and stronger.

Trust to a large extent also depends on the words you use. From childhood everyone is used to hearing, some kind of reproach or nagging from one’s parents, older siblings, teachers, bosses etc. This kind of puts people in a shutdown mode, the moment they feel they are being cornered – by mere sound of one’s partner’s voice. It triggers a feeling as if some kind of a demand or criticism is on the way.

By learning to string your words together which are respectful and non-demanding, and yet be able to communicate effectively – the way you feel, what you need and what you think, would want your partner to get closer to you, because he or she trusts you to the core.