I have written about ghosting in the past – the sudden disappearance of one’s partner without a warning. Such individuals stop responding to texts or phone calls from their partners as they go into the oblivion. They just exit, leaving their partner clueless.
Close to ‘ghosting’ is ‘Sudden Fading’. Here the individuals plan their exit gradually. They work on a plan to get out of the relationship when they feel they are not happy or serious about. They slowly extricate themselves from a romantic liaison. Slow fading starts with fewer messages compared to a flurry before. They tone down the communication but generally respond when communicated with.
What is the psychology behind these ‘Slow Faders’? What leads to their evasive behaviour? Such people justify the act by thinking they don’t want to disappoint their partner and hence fade away slowly instead of abruptly calling it quits. Since they have spent some decent time with their partner, they want to nurse their guilt by not ignoring their partners completely. They maintain infrequent and distant association for some time before finally walking away. They feel they are making a soft landing so that the partner is not hurt. They are mentally preparing their partner. What they don’t realize is that they are cowards rather than empathetic souls doing more harm than good. Sometimes such ‘Slow Faders’ are interested in keeping their options open. In case they want to resume their romance, they have an avenue open. Distorted thinking at its best!
It can drive the partner faded crazy. It becomes confusing to decipher their behaviour during the ‘fading’ process, since they are always responded to, but the responses are vague yet positive. For e.g. They wouldn’t know how to decode “See you soon”. Did he/she mean literally “soon” or next week or next month or…what? Other examples are “Sounds good”, “Great, look forward”. These can mean anything – serious or casual. The partner faded is completely at his/her wits’ end to comprehend the language of the partner fading them.
Slow fading can be painful, but ‘slow faders’ are people with an unbalanced thought process. Are you a victim? Its better to be without them rather than to be with them. Be thankful for their exit. ‘Slow Faders’, please make a clean break instead of breaking your head to find out ways to fade. Point well made???