One of the key factors for a successful relationship is communication. Everyone communicates. Even couples in distress. What’s important is how effectively they communicate. Effective communication can be difficult since so many go around in circles trying to get their partner to see things their way or defend themselves from their partner’s attack.
Communication by itself is something very simple and straightforward. But the moment two people enter an intimate relationship, the dynamics of communication change. These dynamics are important to learn for a committed and passionate relationship.
Vulnerability is at its peak in an intimate relationship since each partner is striving to navigate their way through maximising their pleasure and minimising their pain. In the process many couples struggle because when one person speaks, the other person hears something completely different. For example, when a wife tries to express her feelings about something, the husband thinks its not worth brooding over and tells her so and the problem escalates. The husband has no idea why she’s feeling worse because he’s only trying to help by diluting her intense feelings so that she wouldn’t be affected by those feelings. Men also tend to give up on communication when their innocuous comments turn into volcano time and again. Generally, women feel their husbands have no time, sensitivity and empathy and hence feel ignored and thus lose connection. Men on the other hand feel that they find it extremely difficult to please an aggressive and controlling wife.
The problem is most couples don’t understand the core problem they are facing. Surface problems overshadow the core problem in the form of kids, money, in laws, health etc. When surface problems start monopolising, couples stop communicating in a way that makes them understand each other, which further creates problems. A couple starts dealing with superficial issues instead of getting to the root of the problem.
Communication is not about words but learning the core meaning behind the words. No matter what the pattern of your communication is, unless you are creating attraction energy in it, the communication is a failure. I don’t mean only physical attraction – emotional dependence, joint decisions, bringing up children in mutually acceptable ways, consulting each other, sharing the humour timing et. al. Basically something which makes your partner come to you, come back to you every day, every time.