Monthly Archives: October 2015

Have you ever met someone whom you have barely known or is unknown and the bond you share instantly can be beyond reason? It’s all about connect. We connect with different people at different levels. And this kind of connection is rather rare. It could be the result of words spoken or unspoken or maybe just an unplanned act or an unintentional deed. But the connection is altogether distinct and different and can last a life time. This could be between two friends, partners, acquaintance, family or some total stranger.

How does this work? Is it the chemistry? There are hundreds of people you interact with. But why does this one single person touch your heart? The association is magical. Someone you have never dreamt of interacting with, becomes a part of your life. Someone whom you would cherish a life time. No justification or explanation can solve this mystical connect. And everybody experiences it at some point in their lives. Never a result of one’s expectations, it happens very unexpectedly. It is beyond one’s imagination. Maybe some karmic link or a result of fate bringing two individuals together. Merely proving how people come into our lives for a ‘reason, season or lifetime’ to the hilt. Such relations may or may not last forever. But leaves a very strong imprint on the mind, a big impact on the heart and a mark on one’s soul.

Not necessarily a romantic liaison, this rare connect can be platonic too. The mask of the unknown slowly falls off, transforming the initial unknown aura into a beautiful familiarity growing every minute. The person becomes so ingrained in our life leaving us marvel at how we dealt with his/her absence for so long. What you don’t have, you don’t miss. But after having it, it almost becomes impossible to think of a life without this person.  The cascading effect it has on all the other aspects of life is phenomenal. The contentment and fulfilment oozing from this union rubs on to the other areas of life, making it so much easier to deal with the negatives and difficulties. You don’t need any wifi to connect with this special person. If sometimes logical, but magical always…

Stress is so ingrained in our life today. It is a lifestyle disease experienced by almost all. If not addressed properly it can have quite adverse bodily and mental manifestations.

How does one deal with stress? Reminds me of the famous quote – ‘life is not what happens to you, but how you deal with what happens to you.’ So, stress has a different connotation for different people and the way of dealing with is also varies from person to person. The threshold of stress is not the same for all. For some, minor irritants or disturbances can disrupt their mental equilibrium causing a lot of stress. For others, it could be really difficult circumstances/events which can trigger stress.

One should keep the following key factors in mind to counter any stressful situation

• Definition of stress – something upsetting doesn’t always mean it is stressful. Trying to focus on the reason behind the actual cause can help one identify actual stress.
• Nature of stress – whether temporary or permanent depends on the perception of the problem. Does the problem look short term or long term? No stress can ever be permanent. If it is short term, one can deal with it either immediately or knowing that it is short-lived, one can rationalize about it by accepting its temporary nature. Long term stress needs more attention. Breaking it into parts and working on each segment at a time can be very effective in eliminating this kind of stress.
• Mental/behavioural modification – identification of stress inducing triggers help us understand to what extent we get affected. Modifying our thinking and behaviour by practising to either accept or filter out the stress triggers, can be formed into a habit over a period of time. The triggers that once caused stress may not do so to the same degree any longer.
• Minimising stress – it is completely up to us, how to magnify our positives and minimize our negatives. Doing more of what one enjoys against staying away from anything unpleasant is one way of reducing stress in one’s lives. Again, some stresses are inevitable like stress related to work pressures. Such stress should be balanced by spending the non-working hours to the utmost potential by indulging in happy activities. The list can be inexhaustive – ranging from reading your favourite book or listening to your choicest music, to spending time with one’s favourite people – family/friends. All extremely therapeutic.

There are so many innovative ways of dealing with stress in today’s times. Two recent ones have left me intrigued: Many working women in China are joining programmes to experience life of a Buddhist monk – to de-stress themselves from high pressure jobs. They lead a monk’s life to counter stress. They make lifestyle changes for a stipulated time period which incorporate a monk’s daily regime including listening to preaching, chanting and meditating. It works wonders and makes them stress free.

Another very intriguing fact at Mumbai international airport is the availability of furry friends – Labradors to help thousands of passengers who are bogged down by the stress of travel and the baggage of pent-up emotions and feelings. These are therapy dogs trained to offer comfort and relief to those in need of it.

Necessity is the mother of invention. While stress cannot be avoided there are innumerable ways of dealing with it. All I would like to press is address your stress – Just let lose your tress and let go of your stress…

Has humour dried up from people’s lives? Too bad if it has. People resort to watching funny films and videos, comedy programmes etc. to tickle their funny bones – sheer dependence on synthetic humour. Why does humour have to be limited to only electronic medium or to an extent to print medium? Isn’t laughing out loud (over anything under the sun) also very therapeutic? Sharing a laugh with one’s family and friends has no substitute. And it can be about anything. A situation may not necessitate a laugh, but creating one out of nothing can be quite a hilarity. At times a glance exchanged with one’s favourite someone is enough to trigger a mighty laugh. It could have a past reference or no reference it all. It’s all about the humour rapport with the selected few.

There are people who get dismayed over nothing and there are others who can laugh at anything. There are people and there are people. One should never underestimate the benefits of laughter on one’s physical and mental well-being. It can be a universal elixir. With the mounting stress levels of people in today’s world, laugher can be the biggest stress buster. ‘Why take life seriously when nobody has come out of it alive’ stands so true here. But people have forgotten to live and laugh. Charlie Chaplin’s famous quote ‘a day without laughter is a day wasted’ should be the mantra followed by all.

Circulating jokes through platforms like WhatsApp remain the most sought after humour medium. People have become so engrossed in forwarding such content that they don’t find time to share a joke in person despite maybe sitting next to one. They continue living in virtual reality. A sad reality indeed. Mushrooming laughing clubs merely prove how difficult it has become for people to laugh. Laughing forcibly is still better than not laughing at all. And that’s the reason even the corporate world has seen a new escalating trend of clowning workshops. Earlier restricted to only hospital recovery zones, humour specialists are slowly finding their way through different fields. It has been found to be very effective in reducing stress, increasing creativity and lateral thinking and master the tightrope walking between hard work and light-heartedness at the same time.

Never underestimate the worth of conversations with people who make one smile and laugh. Nothing in the world can replace that rendezvous – be it in person, telephonic/verbal or written. It works wonders for one’s immune system. Laughing is the best medicine but even if you laugh without a reason you still don’t need any medicine in my view. Have a hearty laugh. It’s good for your heart…

Parents too often feel they have an inborn right to control their children’s lives – just because they are instrumental in bringing them into this world. Sadly, a justification used by many to supposedly regulate their children’s lives is no justification at all. Recent studies have proved that children of less controlling parents turn out to be better in all aspects compared to the controlling ones. What does this indicate? Certainly shows a positive trend of parenting. But what about those who still dictate?

A very common conversation in schools at least in India – “How many marks did your child get? Mine scored the highest.” Board exams of grade ten and twelve are the biggest nervous breakdown triggers for parents and they make sure they transfer the same on to their wards. Exams become a matter of life and death – literally with students committing/attempting suicides on not getting satisfactory results. And here the satisfaction is in direct proportion to parents’ expectations. Another very common practice is of putting children in various activity and educational classes. “My child goes for taekwondo, mental math, robotics and phonics classes. What are the classes your child is enrolled for?” And a child not involved with such extracurricular activities is looked down upon. After all an average primary school kid is away from home for ONLY 7-8 hours. What about the remaining 16 hours of the day? They have to be constructively (so they think) occupied so that comparisons with other parents become easier and the child is off parents’ hair.

In this technology monopolised day and age, children are increasingly getting away from just being themselves. They have no time to play with their real friends – virtual would be plenty, courtesy online interactions galore. There are some ‘privileged’ children who have been blessed with phones and tabs at a tender age by their parents, with least concern about being exposed to the radiation from cellphones or retina damage due to screen light. There is a bigger concern for more marks, prizes and certificates. Children need to be technology savvy in today’s times, not to deny the intellectual stimulation that follows. But social interactions, family outings, picnics, quality time spending by playing family games etc cannot replace the emotional quotient it provides.

Childhood is a temporary phase and is outgrown in no time by children. The most important phase where most of the mental and physical development takes place is underestimated. School and exams shouldn’t be the only measure of success in life. That too at a juncture when children have no clue about the realities of life. Pleasant and happy childhood experiences go a long way in helping children become sensible human beings of the future. Perhaps parents forget that they too were children once upon a time. May be what they were subject to is similar or maybe different to what they have been practising. In a nutshell, a key to an ideal parenting would be comparisons – nil, zero exam/school pressure, acceptance of child individuality and zippo controlling streaks. Your responsibility is to bring them up and not bring them down. How about defying the gravitational force???????