What’s your idea of a marriage?


Marriages are made in heaven but why does it stop feeling heavenly soon after one is married? Why do some people feel they are in hell? Listen to me to find out more. Sagarika Shah, Co-founder, Psychologist and Relationship Therapist, Thought Counsel is here to share her insights on mental wellness and relationships. sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com https://www.thoughtcounsel.com

Today I have some very important message for all my listeners/viewers/readers about marriage. For all those who aren’t married, what is your idea of a marriage? For all those who are already hitched, what drove you to that decision to commit? This is Sagarika Shah and I am going to share some insight about marriage based on my knowledge, experience and interactions with my clients.

To begin with, people have a very wrong notion about marriage. If you are in love with someone and decide to get married, why would you do it? Because your family wants you to, your partner wants you to or because you want to? Now, why do you want to get married?  The biggest problem is that majority of people tie the knot with some distorted knowledge at play. They get married with a lot of expectations and dreams. And when those fail to get realized, problems crop up. Marriage is a bed of roses, only for the first few months. And couples themselves are responsible for transforming that bed into thorns. The unrealistic ideals they hold lead to marital distress.

People especially, those in marriageable age brackets need to get a little realistic about what they are getting into. We all know, love is blind and that it can blind you from the reality. But we also know that marriage is an eyeopener. Now, instead of waiting for the eyes to open after getting married, why not see that a marriage is not about only love and romance, right from the time you start thinking about getting serious in your relationship?

 Clients who come to me complain how their partners let them down. Different couples have different issues like, “My husband is not as romantic as he used to be, or My wife over spends. Our children are not raised properly by my parents in law. We don’t find time for ourselves. He returns late from work. She is too busy looking after the baby that I feel ignored”. Now, these according to me are not problems. These are the things which every married couple goes through. Instead of perceiving these as problem areas, I advise my clients to realise these are the reality of marriage. No marriage is immune to these kinds of issues.  

If you enter a wedlock prepared that its going to take a lot of efforts to make it work with your partner and to handle the challenges it will offer, you will be on a good wicket. For you won’t be disappointed by your expectations and it won’t feel as if your dreams have defeated you.

Acceptance about the reality can change your perception about marriage. Conflicts in your marriage will go down drastically. You will be well armed to deal with yourself, your spouse and the situation you are in. Marriage can be a beautiful union, provided you are realistic about the institution you are already into or on the verge of getting into.