It has been observed that individuals with dual personalities are more prone to relationship distress. Such people function very differently in their inner circle of spouse, children, parents, close relatives and friends, vis a vis their outer circle. It’s as if they are two different entities in two different spaces. Partners of such people always complain that they cannot fathom such behavioural differences. They can be poles apart as far as their behaviour goes. Temper tantrums, rudeness, excessive mood swings, nagging et. al. can come easily to people with dual traits. And because of such traits these are the people who cannot get along easily with their partner. Although they claim to love them they cannot refrain from exhibiting a negative behaviour. The very same people when dealing with others are very charming and pleasant. Some are even boastful of a fantastic relationship they enjoy with their spouse, although the reality is different. People with a tendency to seek validation about everything they say or do from the outside world are normally predisposed to such dualities.
So many people complain that it’s almost impossible for their extended families or friends to believe they have relationship issues. Many people create such a façade of their marriage that the outsiders can never sense anything wrong. The point here is not about how well you can hide your differences behind a façade – that’s for the world to see and believe. It’s more about fooling yourself. Are you living in your marriage/relationship for yourself or others? At the end of the day what really counts is the happiness and contentment you give yourself and each other. Only if you are happy will you be able to make your partner happy. Nobody is ever hurt from being nice to others. But it should start from home.
It’s never too late to consciously curtail dual behaviour. Any form of behaviour affects one’s relationships, especially intimate ones, hence its very essential to behave well. Positive verbal communication and interaction help. One is not expected to be impeccable or right all the time, but never hostile. Behaviour and feelings are correlated. You feel good when you behave good. Oscar Wilde very rightly said, “some people cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.” You want to be the former and certainly not the latter, right – especially for your loved ones?