Intimacy without Intricacy


“I love him, but I am not in love with him” or “I am extremely fond of her, but she is not my type”. “I like him a lot but…..”

Aren’t our ears used to hearing these every now and then? It’s very common, especially with today’s generation. It’s so easy for them to fall in love and fall out of love! The initial phase of romance fades away and so does the relationship. And soon it is time for another one. Or even with the same one, the complexion changes its tide with time.

How often have we seen couples expressing their infinite love for each other only to express their disdain later? Broken promises eroding the commitment?

Even with couples who have had a lasting relationship are wary of committing themselves into a marriage. They don’t mind ‘living in’ with their partner. But wouldn’t want to ‘live’ with them for ever. How bizarre is that!!

Why has it become increasingly difficult to take the relationship to the altar? Why has the term ‘love’ diluted its essence of binding two people together? Is it the set of responsibilities that go with it? Or is it a general fear to commit? Dipping intolerance levels could be a deterring factor too. Dashed hopes and dreams of some unrealistic goals can be the culprit. May be with rampant divorces in the offing, couples are slowly losing faith in the institution of marriage.

Are men more prone to being commitment phobics than women? Well, this was very much the scenario a few years ago, but today, women are equally sceptical about committing for life. Although both have reasons galore to justify their inability to commit, their reasoning may have very different logic. For men, it’s more of an intrusion on their personal space, for a working woman her financial independence is at stake with a marriage. A man may find it difficult to be bound by some rules at home, the woman may feel her individuality and freedom are threatened. So, a basketball match over the weekend may be substituted by another event taking priority. Lack of sleep and ‘me time’ may be compromised by the time taken to cook and some household chores to follow. It is difficult to draw a line between who feels what, but these are some common problems marking the reality of today.

Is it really difficult to get married and remain so? Why doesn’t the larger picture in a marriage supersede   these small issues, dictating the decisions of many? Can’t one get married and still enjoy what one did before or is it really a task to share the household chores so that neither is overburdened? Nothing can be more wonderful than living with a spouse you are in love with and enjoying the life’s little big treasures. Marriage is one of the most priceless and beautiful milestones in a person’s life. Why run away from it? Why seek intimacy without intricacy? Is it worth it???