There’s an avalanche of Father’s Day wishes on the social media today. This works two ways – one can either genuinely acknowledge how wonderful one’s father has been or feel compelled to write something about him – to emulate others and draw some social media attention. It also depends on what kind of a father one has/had which makes you the person that you are, and it probably reflects in your social media engagements – to just write something for the heck of it or genuinely acknowledge his role in your life.
Fathers’ role has always been undermined compared to a mother’s role. Universal thought that nobody can take a mother’s place is finally diluting its essence. There are many fathers who are better or may be as good as a mother. The roles of parents are changing. In the good old days, mothers were the nurturers and ended up spending more time with their children, compared to fathers who were the providers and hence were away to make a living. But with time, as more and more women are working, the roles are blending and both parents have been playing an important role in the bringing up of a child.
The attachment styles of parents or primary caregivers affect children for the rest of their lives. Children showered with unconditional love and affection in abundance always grow up to be very secure and loving vis a vis, children grown up in families where love and affection are conditional and not constant, insecurities breed aplenty. They turn out to be insecure and suffer from low self-esteem.
Children need to be fed with love all the time. Parents who give and withdraw love to discipline their children or to rectify or reinforce certain behaviours, don’t realize the effect it produces on their mental state. How many parents turn cold, withdraw or resort to criticism and resentment when their children fail to meet their expectations? I have counselled parents who wear a long face and stop talking to their children for days together just to showcase their dislike. Instead of becoming role models of immaculate behaviour, they end up teaching wrong behavioural approaches to their children. I have grown ups as my clients who struggle with their parents’ behaviour and interference in their lives. From disapproving one’s prospective partner, to being unable to get along with their spouse, to showing displeasure over their spending habits and disagreeing with their style of living, parents can be a big cause of personal stress. If adults find it challenging to deal with one’s parents, condition of children brought up by difficult parents can be heart-breaking.
Major emotional issues and challenges mar children’s minds even after they grow up. More than the children, parents need therapy to become emotionally stable and to exhibit stability in their children’s bringing up process. The security and confidence that a child has in his or her parents’ love, no matter what, shapes them into super balanced human beings. The most essential traits like empathy, compassion and sensitivity become a part of their persona.
Days like father’s and mother’s days come and go, but the love they provide should never go. Children of parents who have always received love, would never deter from reciprocating that same love to their parents and will go on to become wonderful parents. The feeling that one will always be loved by one’s parents – come what may, is all a child needs. Nothing more. Nothing less. Follow that and your child will never be in any emotional mess and have all the happiness. I have conveyed my message, I guess…