Don’t let your past last and linger…

Bad patches in good relationships or bad relationships altogether are a universal given and at some point, everyone goes through it. While there are some who sail through the rough beautifully, there are some who choose to cling on to the bad and keep talking about it, whipping themselves up to a point of distorting their thinking. They perpetually are anxiety prone and consumed with fear, anger, negativity – whether in a new or the same relationship, they are constantly worried that the unpleasantness of the past might strike again. So when something or someone good enters their life, they neither value it nor respect it. They fail to trust the good, ‘too good to be true’ kind of a syndrome and keep fearing the worst. This is the biggest deal breaker. Why should someone so good pay the price of what someone did in the last relationship? Again, within the same relationship, why can’t one forget and forgive the past or the partner? The past erodes the good and the positive of the present. Wrong relationship with the wrong person cannot be equated with the right relationship with the right person.  This would come in the way to love someone wholly and deeply and to trust someone totally. ‘No regrets, only lessons learnt’ should be the mantra. Just because one relationship went askew doesn’t mean the next will follow suit.

Resilience is the key here. If one develops enough resilience to let go, the weight of the past will suddenly be lifted, only to feel lighter and better. Another key element is gratitude. If one is grateful for all the good things, the partner and the relationship bring, it’s easier to get rid of all the extra baggage attached to the bitterness in the current or past relationship. Appreciating the present also goes a long way in bringing harmony. All these three elements require overshadowing negativity with as much positivity as possible. This enables one to start life on a clean slate, afresh and abound with hope and happiness. When an otherwise good relationship goes through turbulent times, regardless of who is at fault, the couple should bury the hatchet at the earliest. Looking at the larger picture and counting one’s blessings always help. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, thinking what is right that’s keeping them together works better.

A case study on couples who kept focussing on the negatives and those who refused to give up on their past vis a vis, those who preferred to see the brighter side proved that the latter had an easy go at resolving their differences. The contentment in their relationship was much higher as opposed to those who only saw the darker side.  How a person fairs in life, personally and professionally also has a lot to do with their relationship approach. Interpersonal skills to deal with people other than one’s partner can be a major indicator of one’s relationship outlook. Also when a person gets along beautifully at work and does well professionally, its thanks to their overall attitude towards life in general. Positivity breeds positive emotions and negativity on the other hand yields destructive manifestations. Let go of your past, fast and focus on the present – the best present you can give yourself and your relationship.