Be mindful of complacency spoiling your relationship 

A recent dinner at a restaurant made me rethink about the dynamics of relationships. A table across us saw two couples – one after the other, in stark difference from each other. The first couple in their thirties, looked married and bored with each other. The husband was constantly playing a game on his cell phone while the wife wore a glum look on her face, while waiting for their food. When their meal came, they ate without much dialogue and left.

The same table was occupied by another young couple. The guy and the girl looked head over heels in love with each other. They couldn’t take their eyes off each other and held hands from time to time till their order was served. They seemed to be courting each other or may be were just newly married.

Why does the equation change once married? All relationships go through a stipulated pattern of peak and plateau, while some go downhill. It’s very natural for the initial euphoria and excitement to die down. But can’t these be replaced by some other aspects stimulating enough to keep the relationship going?  Normally once married, complacency sets in and hence one starts taking the partner for granted. A legal stamp of matrimony brings a sense of ownership which is associated with feeling empowered about the spouse as if he/she is one’s property.  Encroachment in any form is dealt with control, domination, sulking et al. Going by the same rulebook to keep the relationship smooth with a motive of matrimony in mind when courting, why can’t the changing times of today be taken as a benchmark to ‘behave’ similarly in one’s marriage? Just because married, why put all the niceties on the backburner?

Marriages have become very fragile. This sacrosanct union so unpredictable. There is this lingering bond of uncertainty which can break any time in today’s times. I am not saying  one should live with constant insecurities but should remember this bitter fact and act prudently. Why tread the path indifferently or recklessly to regret later? Just being basically nice and happy with each other does the trick.

Along with niceness, one needs to keep the  relationship stimulating – emotionally and physically, since the two are correlated. This is probable when one gives  as much space as possible to one’s partner and respect their individuality. Most partners forget that they and their spouse are individuals first and then a couple. The moment they lose their individuality and become ‘merged’, the problems start.

Along with space comes freedom. And this is very easy to grant since it always results in greater responsibility. If a partner trusts his/her partner completely, there is generally no scope for either to disappoint the other because the freedom is appreciated and valued. Constant nagging in the form of getting possessive, suspicious and interrogative is never healthy. It is indicative of disrespecting the partner’s space and individuality. The best analogy I can think of here is of a rubber band, the harder you pull, the more the tension, reaching a point where it may snap, if not released at the right time. The same applies to relationships. A partner may put up with all the stress but nobody can take it beyond the pale. By being mindful of these few issues, a relationship can have a smooth sailing.

Give some space to create the right space between the two of you.