A marriage never grows bitter overnight. The transformation is a long-drawn process. The problem is, most of the times the couple is either oblivious or disinclined to believe there is a problem in their marriage – a problem which can lead to a separation or divorce. Smugness or denial to identify marital discord often paves way for the unwanted, the unpleasant and the unexpected. Regret unfortunately rolls in when its generally too late.
I would like to help my readers understand that its vital to learn where you stand in your marriage and get real about it. Living under an illusion of a hunky-dory marriage can be disastrous. A reality check is required to tackle not just a friction-stricken marriage but any marriage. Every relationship goes through a cycle and if you recognize where you are in this cycle, it can help you work on your marriage/relationship better.
Any intimate bond starts with attraction, a phase where a couple is drawn to each other and love being together. Resistance follows attraction. This is the stage where problems begin to surface. With resistance comes resentment. In this stage problems sometimes don’t get resolved. This is when one or both partners feel unheard and uncared for and yet remain tacit. When this continues, it breeds detachment. A partner generally detaches himself/herself to emotionally protect themselves from the distress. Detachment becomes a shield to disconnect emotionally from one’s partner. Emotional distance generates physical distance, sometimes in the form of a divorce.
Between the emotional and the physical disconnect lies the significant stage of ‘decision’. This is one of the most challenging stages. The decision to stay would mean to engage oneself back into the unpleasant and the decision to move would end the long-term suffering. But, you can reverse your path to break up if you honestly embrace the actuality of where you both are today.
Once you are mindful of the reality, it is possible to build a brand-new marriage where you and your partner can become immensely valuable to each other by keeping the true essence of what you both really are as people. You can support each other to build a rock-solid platform that can weather any ups and downs of life. Just be realistic about yourself, each other and your marriage. After all our real eyes are meant to realize the worth of our reality.