So many couples come to me distressed – not because they have a problem with each other but because they have problems with their in-laws. Given the patriarchal society we live in, its generally, the wife who bears the brunt of her in-laws. Our culture encourages a marriage between two families and not two individuals. While it sounds a beautiful communion, it seldom remains beautiful. Unfortunately, the same family members spoil it for their married children.
One of my recent clients came to me very upset about her mother in law. She thought she was awful, manipulative, selfish and inept at communicating. According to her the mother in law always made attempts to pit her husband against her. Her husband on the other hand was aware of his mother’s tactics but let her get away every time since she was his mother. Things reached a stage with her husband that any conversation centred around her mother in law escalated into a fight and fights into epic battles.
It can be awfully stressful for any woman to go through such emotional difficulties. It can be equally stressing for any husband since he beautifully gets sandwiched between his wife and mother. How does he even the scales of two people so close and important? A daunting task indeed. However, if he knows his mother has a problem and is difficult to deal with, he must gently talk to his mother about breaking her patterns of behaviour. Also, she needs to know that though its affecting his equation with his wife, he’s not going to let that continue. The price he’s paying to put up with her problematic nature is too high. He should step back and let his mother rebuild his relationship with his wife. Better late than never.
When a husband intends to do so much, the wife should become calmer and appreciate her husband’s efforts. After all, it’s never easy for a son to go against his mother. He would always aspire for a happy ending and want things to work out between the two ladies. Regardless of whether the ending is happy or not, it’s the effort that counts.
Don’t let anyone come between your spouse and you. Disturbances will come and go but how you sail through such turbulences is what matters. Don’t let any matter batter your relationship. No matter what.