My last weekend was well spent at a club. A complete family outing. My visit to the ladies room left me irked. I saw the janitor there using her cell phone to make a call. Even before she could say her hello, I could hear a loud outburst at the other end – without the phone being on speaker mode. She was snubbed for making that call and she sheepishly disconnected. Didn’t take me a second to realize, who this young girl was speaking to. The therapist bone in me was suddenly stimulated. I felt so bad, I couldn’t help speaking to her. I asked why she was yelled at by her husband? She said he was watching something interesting on television and got disturbed by her call. My second question was – how long was she married, the answer to which was two years. No wonder!! The girl was working as a caretaker of a plush club ladies room even on a Sunday evening, while the husband was comfortably plonked in front of television at home. The only thing I could do to nurse her dented heart was to give her a few inputs on how to sail through such emotionally turbulent times. How important it was for her to convey to her husband that she didn’t like the way she was put down. I knew it may not even go down too well with her husband given the orthodox times that still prevail in our country – where it’s still a male dominated society in quite a few households and children grow up witnessing their fathers being rude to their mothers. But I still wanted her to feel empowered. She was standing on her feet. Working and earning a living. I just wanted her to know her worth and not be ill-treated for no fault of hers.
Why does a relationship change post marriage? Why does one start taking one’s partner for granted? I am sure the same girl and her husband were once head over heels in love with each other. Till the newness wore off, their initial period must have been bliss like all other marriages. Why does all the love and affection evaporate into thin air once married? Courtship days are supposed to be the best days since the partners make the most of both the worlds – their individual and together. Once the legal stamp of matrimony is put, things start sliding down. Why is it all temporary – the love, the care, the concern?
Whatever section of society one belongs to, taking one’s spouse for granted (not necessarily only the wife) becomes a given. I have seen so many couples, not just my clients who are so rude to their spouses. With this unpleasant approach, things are expected to be rosy at least to the outside world. Its very easy to overlook one’s flaws but overlooking a partner’s flaws seems so daunting. And then people crib and question the institution of marriage. Grudges and resentment over a period of time can only breed bitterness. Once that gets woven into the fine fabric of a relationship, it becomes very difficult to get rid of it.
When one is cohabiting with one’s life partner, why can’t the alliance be so pleasant, loving and wonderful that one looks forward to the future together? The feeling of being able to cope with anything and everything with a partner by one’s side is second to none. The children of such strong marriages are phenomenal. It doesn’t cost much to be sweet and easy to get along with. Please don’t be rude, dude!!!!!