Relationships – easy come, easy go if not easy

A recent discussion with a friend over tea was quite discerning. In the process of exchanging some random thoughts on relationships and what all it takes for it to function smoothly, we zeroed in on a simple yet generally taken for granted kind of an element. While stereotyping the conventional like honesty, openness, comfort, mutual respect et al, we talked about the ‘easy’ aspect a relationship. If the nature of any relationship is easy, if two people are easy to get along with and easy on each other, it becomes so easy!!! ‘Easy’ should be the prerequisite for any relationship – be it intimate or otherwise. If it’s not easy it’s not worth it. And it holds so much truth. Why should one fret or struggle in any relationship? Except may be business associations where it’s not always an easy going.  But in friendships or romantic liaisons, why would one sweat? Happiness is the goal which got two people together in the first place – friends or lovers. It shouldn’t come at the cost of two people constantly bickering and causing unhappiness or unpleasantness to each other. What is the point of such a relationship? Well, no denying the fact that close ties always need some fine tuning and nurturing.

Everyone should strive to make their relationships simple. In fact, all relations are easy. We make them complex by attaching some unnecessary predetermined thoughts encoded into our system by our formative, childhood and growing up experiences. Everyone comes with a set of predisposed ideas which play a big role in what we offer to our relationships. Unpleasant or negative experiences complicate the fabric of an otherwise sound relationship. A new relationship is like a clean slate. The essence of its ease lies in what two individuals chalk out of it as time goes by.

Since every individual has different life experiences by the time they get into a union, it is not always easy to declutter certain wrong relationship notions. Most of the times, one doesn’t even realize that the faulty mindset is instrumental in creating distress and thus it is taking a toll on the relationship. Blaming others aggravates the situation further. One needs to look within and see what is causing the distress that’s making it complex rather than easy. A lot of my clients are very surprised when a different perspective is presented to them. They have never perceived this different context affecting a relationship.

Instead of brooding over a relationship that’s not cent percent satisfying, one needs to simplify one’s thinking in order to make it simple. For example, a person may doubt his or her partner which may or may not have any basis. What is required in such situations is to simply control such doubts which come in the way between them. The right thing to do in such tricky situations would be to talk over even the most uncomfortable of topics with an open mind. The same applies to constant contempt, criticism and resentment from either or both. Train the mind to do some simple thinking rather than chew the cud over some imaginary or deliberate negatives. When the thought process is easy, one is easy on one’s self and on one’s partner. Take it easy and make it easy. It’s worth it…