Paradigms of relationship – expression and experience of togetherness

“My boyfriend used to be so warm and generous in showering his affection and of late he’s not what he used to be.” My wife used to be so exuberant, would go out of her way to do things for me. There is a marked difference in her behaviour these days.” Have you ever wondered why your partner has stopped opening up like before and seems emotionally withdrawn?  Do you feel the affection has gone down because of conflicts and poor communication? Is there something missing which was there before? Do you have to struggle to get your partner’s undivided attention? Relationships follow a cyclical pattern of ups and downs. If you love a person and share yourself with him/her, it is equally important to be able to express your feelings and emotions completely without being judged. One of the sad but true realities of today with people is they never have the kind of relationship they wish to have wherein they can freely express and don’t have to emote. These problems can easily and effortlessly be addressed with a few changes in one’s approach.

First and foremost, one should always start with taking the time out for each other. With technology now being constantly available and daily stresses constantly weighing people down, one may need to find time to actually concentrate on each other. Even one hour a day of quality time can make a huge difference to the quality of a relationship. Next comes expression, since it holds the key to a relationship status. Losing one’s centre during a conflict and letting fears, insecurities and emotions dominate something which wouldn’t be important after a few hours or days, can be responsible for partner’s gradual detachment.  While these are absolutely critical to share, how you convey them has tremendous power. These emotions have the power to connect or disconnect you with your loved one.

Experience is another key element which can make or break a relationship. Negative feelings are a given in any relationship. How you handle these determines the kind of experience you create.  Two people bring different set of ideas and feelings into a relationship. With these come their own share of differences. Majority of people will always think about the worst when in distress. This leads to pressing the wrong buttons and getting nervous and upset unnecessarily, breeding distance and contempt. Analysing each and every move of your partner or yourself can only spell trouble. So when your partner doesn’t return your call, instead of thinking about the worst, give it a positive meaning. Imagine they are caught up with their own issues and it’s not about you. Finally, when they call it’s going to be even more interesting since it’s taken so long to catch up with each other. Positive people are attractive people and they can make great lasting relationships.

It is very essential to have a conscious relationship to enjoy the magical bond of closeness. When I say conscious, I want to reiterate being always aware about the significance of your relationship and having the constant drive to make it better; thereby never letting your partner draw back. It takes practice to make this a habit – especially if it is not your disposition. Start by being positive about yourself when on your own and gradually it will rub on to your relationship. Don’t practice until you get it right. Practice until you can’t get it wrong.