On a recent flight, I had a couple seated next to me. Both looked in their mid-forties. While I had no intentions to invade their privacy, it seemed their mannerisms certainly wanted to invade mine. Their public display of affection looked a little out of sync. Increased movements and expressions during the flight made me realize they were not married. Their conversation thanks to being within my earshot, centred around spouse bashing and children stories – making it obvious they were in an extra marital relationship. To each his/her own, of course!!! But made me ruminate on a few things.
Why do people get into an extra marital affair? May be because their marriage lacks the love, lust, excitement and the exhilaration an affair offers. I have always maintained that any relationship never remains the same. No matter what, it goes through a cycle of ups and downs. So, instead of looking outside for love, why not look within your marriage? After all we are responsible for turning our marriage either boring, annoying, bitter or wonderful. The best analogy I can think of is a plant or our body. If we nurture them with love, care and the right nutrients, it pays us back by resulting in a beautiful plant or a healthy body.
The biggest mistake a couple can make is to take each other for granted. In the process they crib, nag, get suspicious, irritable, intolerant, complacent or insecure, jealous and what not. If these qualities are fed to a marriage, how can it become a paradise of love? instead, why can’t it be nurtured with love, understanding, affection, support, honesty et al? The key to a great marriage is openness. Honesty is a wonderful characteristic of any relationship. But very often fear holds the key to dishonesty. When one is brutally honest with one’s partner, that partner is expected to appreciate the truthfulness. But instead they end up reproaching the partner for the candour. Honesty is thus diluted and deleted from a marriage.
Frankness and openness are the backbone of any relationship. If you want your marriage to give you a high, the much-wanted stimulation through love, please give it space and closeness in proportion to keep the doors of attraction open even after years. Why seek something complex, immoral and illicit outside? Momentary longing and attraction never create a lasting relationship.