Have a drive or your relationship will drive you crazy…


All relationships start with two people attracting each other emotionally, physically and intellectually, in a way that make them irresistible with each other. Both caught up in the spell and desire of wanting to be together. There’s a lot of excitement and romance but suddenly there’s a shift and one of the partners pulls back. The person at the receiving end starts blaming himself/herself for the withdrawal and starts feeling that one is not loved or liked any more. Various thoughts start haunting the mind.

Wouldn’t it be nice to understand the reasons behind the withdrawal and see if the situation can be reversed? When two people get close in a relationship, they both love the feeling and want more of it. Ironically it is in this same closeness that sometimes either or both need some individual space. This is how most couples function emotionally. Such space gives them an opportunity to recover. It’s very natural for couples to grow distant occasionally. What matters here is not the pulling away but how one handles the situation when that happens. The bottom line being one can’t control the withdrawal but can certainly control one’s reaction to it.

This kind of a situation requires some prudence on part of the person affected by the distant behaviour. One should never get into an immediate quick fix mode. As much as it may seem like a sensible, proactive thing to do, it can lead to create more distance. The ideal thing would be to step back and relax. Give it some time and let it take its own course to get back to normal.  There’s a time for everything but this is not the right time to over share one’s feelings. Unrealistic expectations always add fuel to the fire. Expectations about how a partner should behave vis a vis how he/she does particularly at such times may create further confusion. Last but not the least communicate clearly and take a back seat.

There’s another reason a person might withdraw. That may not have anything to do with the partner. It could be because of a missing drive. It is very important for any individual to be very clear about what he or she is doing in his or her life and what is that drive which keeps one going. It can be anything ranging from something simple like doing great professionally, being creative or even excelling at some sport. The point is that one must have the drive to remain engaged and focused on not just doing something but doing something well. A drive is very essential for one’s overall emotional and social well-being. So many times, so many people are unaware of their drive or even if they are they don’t really go after it and aren’t assertive enough towards it.

When this happens, the person lacking the drive always suffers in the relationship. Withdrawals, restlessness, irritations become frequent as they become more and more unengaged in life. Too often people are not conscious that this is what is happening to them and they end up pulling away from their relationship and make things worse for themselves and their partner. This is when they are in and out of their relationship. Instead of over analysing the situation, one must focus on other things too. Don’t let the relationship rule – the thumb rule.