Emotional stability for stability in relationships


With my background in Psychology, I strongly feel that each one of us needs to go through a few lessons in Psychology in our growing up years for it would help us understand ourselves and others a tad better.  I am going to attempt to unravel the mystique of ” emotional stability” from a layperson’s point of view.

For a parent, it is very difficult to fathom how a simple calculation like why 3+4 = 7 is not understood by the child, why cannot the child learn to ride a bicycle, why cannot the child draw a circle? As parents, we are filled with more whys than wows at the beginning. But do we give up? A simple resounding answer would be NO. Do we feel frustrated, emotionally drained and physically fatigued? This time the resounding answer would be a big YES. But do we as parents ever give up??? Never!!! Because in our heart of hearts we know that we need to be emotionally stronger than our children. So, every time our child fails, our encouragement only increases. We pick up our child, wipe the tears, give a tight hug and start the process all over again. Not all parents do that and some let the frustration show and it only confuses the child. The outcome – the child grows up to be weak, fragile and mentally unstable.

As a child grows a little older, we begin to lose patience. The demons in our minds take over and we begin to believe that if we continue to shower the same love, affection and encouragement as before, we would end up being “over protective”. This distorted thinking takes a toll when the child grows up.

The situation takes a different turn altogether when our children – now adults start cohabiting with their spouse/partner. Two different but independent mind sets start interacting. Most of the relationships fail today because we as individuals do not have the same amount of time, energy and patience to deal with the emotional world of our partner. Because our formative years are different. “Why is he/ she so lazy? Why cannot he/ she think clearly, plan better, dress better, eat well?” The result is a failed relationship.

What is Emotional Stability? What is its role? Why so much noise around it these days? Why aren’t partners emotionally compatible?

Emotional stability is nothing but the awareness of one’s own mindset and the resultant mental wellbeing. It is the knowledge that a toddler/ young child/ adolescent/adult with some understanding and support can and will achieve a balanced state of emotional stability that matches ours or if it doesn’t, at least will be on the same page.

In Mahabharata, Krishna had promised parents of Shisupala that he would pardon Shisupala’s 100 mistakes. That’s exactly how adults in today’s world view each other and their relationships. Each one of us is a Shisupala and a Krishna. As humans, we are prone to making mistakes and as egoists always ready to strike the deathly blow. Emotional Stability means to always know and understand that anything and everything can be won with love, patience and support. There is no finite number of times you should try. Thomas Edison tried 1000 times and continued his quest till he discovered tungsten. What if he had given up after 100, 500, 1000? If the objective and the purpose are clear, the length of the path and the terrain should never become an issue. Giving up a relationship is easy. But continuing despite the odds is something which would not only make it challenging but also worthwhile in the long run. Emotional Stability is nothing  but  finding an Edison within us.