Are you seeking  a life partner the right way?

My very recent talk at Ahmedabad Management Association ended with a flurry of questions from the audience. A regular given, but this time around I found a couple of questions rather puzzling. One of the questions from a gentleman almost tickled my funny bone. He wanted me to tell him what kind of a life partner he should seek. Or if I reproduce his question verbatim, he wanted to know “what kind of an ideal girl should he ‘select’ to get married?” I was expected to answer his question after knowing him for less than a minute, apart from him being a part of the audience.

When advised to see me in a one to one counselling session to understand him and his partner requirements better, he was insistent on an immediate response. I was quite bemused by the fact that had I given him a lowdown on some general key elements essential in a relationship, he would have gone looking for a girl matching those elements, maybe with a torch in his hands, without realizing the compatibility implications.

With due respect to him and his thoughts, his question here is very easy, but the answer is certainly not! There are certain basic factors that should be a part of each relationship. These would  encompass honesty, trust, love et al. But at a micro level, it would be very person specific and depend on what kind of a person one is.

I always maintain opposites attract, only to repel later. It’s very important to find someone who is on the same page with a lot of things if not everything. The core values should always match. Values related to parenting, finances, emotions, sex, religion, morals, ethics – to name a few.  A disconnect in any of these can be a red flag for a relationship.

Marriage or for that matter any intimate relationship is never a bed of roses. Once the initial euphoria dies down and with demystification slowly rising on the horizon, it becomes very imperative to have a partner whom one can relate to. Major as well as minor irritants can snow ball into big scuffles. When familiarity breeds contempt, a right partner can help deal with it. Hence coming back to my original take, one needs to know oneself to know one’s prospective match better. Expectations, without the ability to deliver the same can spell trouble. Many people get disillusioned by their marriage mainly due to their unawareness about themselves which in turn hampers the process of getting hitched or involved with the right person.

So, before dreaming of an ideal marriage with an equally ideal life partner, one needs to do some self-introspection and discover what lies within, to be able to tap the right qualities in one’s partner. After all, you want to seek the right life partner the right way. Right or wrong?