Is your tone as dry as a bone?

“Hi honey, I’ve just left work and am on my way home”, said the newly married husband to his wife.” A few months pass. The wife calls the husband since hasn’t heard from him all day. “Hi, have invited a few friends over. When will you be home?”  “In a meeting. Will be delayed”, is the crisp and curt response.

As time goes by in a marriage, one partner becomes a speaker and the other partner becomes a listener. The speaker lives up to his/her role of speaking, while the listener usually listens either intently or out of no choice. Monosyllables mark the responses, regardless. With time, the conversation between a couple becomes so distinct thanks to its tone, that it’s very easy for the third person to gather the relationship of the couple in conversation.

Why does the tone become so pronounced when it comes to a married couple? The tone which worked wonders once upon a time, loses its modulation. Why? Is it a sign of taking a relationship for granted? Is it a sign of a failed marriage?  I have tried asking many couples during the course of therapy. Surprisingly, most couples have never noticed their tone. Many argue saying its insignificant and that the tone has nothing to do with the marriage dynamics.

It has been proved that the tone of the voice can make or mar a relationship. A cold tone or monosyllables like mere “hmm” indicate the quality of a relationship. One can isolate the relationship for a bit and take the tone away from it. But that would be a few offs when a person is not in his/her elements. But when a tone loses its inflection and sets itself to a linear frequency with zero cadence, it shows where the relationship stands or is heading.

The tone during an argument can also spell trouble. Some people cannot refrain from raising their tone to exhibit anger. The tone can play a big spoilsport if not controlled.

One doesn’t have to shout or sugar coat words to communicate. Doesn’t mean one has to continue in a dead monotonous tone either. Effective communication needs the right tone with the right words. Day to day communication needs some variation to bring back the passion in a marriage. Hone your tone and let it become the keystone of your relationship.