Don’t go through the motions of your emotions

Break-up specialists are the latest specialized relationship experts. They help people get through their heartbreak and move on. These specialists focus on the red flags in a relationship to find out if it’s going downhill. According to them, when a relationship becomes emotionally draining and all consuming, it is time to  reconsider.

No relationship is ever ideal. Every couple goes through the occasional distress every now and then. But if one is feeling constantly stressed, the moment they think about their partner, its time to rethink. Devoting one’s energy to a partner who isn’t reciprocating one’s needs can be frustrating. When a partner seems unsupportive, communication takes a back seat and it can be mentally exhausting. It can lead to fatigue, anxiety and depression.

Of course, emotional problems don’t necessarily mean one needs to break up with one’s partner. But there are certain aspects which need some help from a therapist to work through them. When one feels anxious about one’s partner’s issues all the time, and if it makes them focus only on the ways to fix the issues rather than worrying about their own wellbeing, it can be emotionally draining. Also, with a tendency to fix a problem, one ends up becoming the caretaker in the relationship. One starts to offer support and care to ensure their partner feels listened to and has someone to lean on. This in turn is expected from the partner in return. And if the same intensity of support is not provided, it leads to distress.

Expecting one’s partner to be supportive is natural. One should be able to lend an ear to facilitate some venting. But the moment one becomes an emotional labourer to deal with the problem on behalf of one’s partner, one is forced to put one’s own issues aside. Over helping can take a toll on the relationship. When this happens, one loses interest in being physically affectionate towards one’s partner. There is nothing left to be given since everything is already taken. Without effective communication and affection, intimacy of any kind can just drop and suck the life out of a relationship.

Invest in your relationship but do not over invest. Evaluate your relationship to make sure it is functioning at an optimal emotional level. All you want to do is to level the scores – play fair and fight fair, to make your relationship ‘fair and lovely’.