Does your partner continue to be the same person you fell in love with?

Falling in love can be easy, but to remain in love can be not so easy. To find out more listen to this podcast on Happiness & Relationships. Sagarika Shah, Co-founder, Psychologist and Relationship Therapist, Thought Counsel is here to share her insights on mental wellness and relationships.

Does your partner continue to look a lot like the person you fell in love with, head over heels? If not, you need to know why. This is Sagarika Shah and I welcome you to another episode on Happiness and Relationships. If your relationship doesn’t seem as easy as before, here’s what you need to listen to.

Recollect those moments when things used to be perfect between the two of you. Do you still relish being in each other’s company or does your time together get wasted on cribbing, complaining, arguing and assuming? Do you feel secure in your relationship or do you get jealous and insecure? do you wonder why you feel the way you do? After all isn’t falling in love supposed to lead to a healthy relationship? Do you think mutual acceptance, harmony and security should be a given in an intimate relationship?

Astonishing as it may sound, but the essence of an intimate relationship creates conditions to breed conflict and negative feelings. In simpler words, a close relationship reflects your vulnerability which can bring out the worst in you and your partner. this vulnerability in every sense will make your partner know everything about you. It offers an opportunity to be completely known. And this can make or mar your relationship.

Let me explain. At the onset of a relationship, you are at your best behaviour. You put your best foot forward. But you can do that only for so long. Sooner or later, you can’t help showing your true colours – the real you, with all your quirks and foibles.

So, as a relationship moves forward, and as the closeness increases, the fear of revealing your true self invokes an underlying discomfort – which can come in your way of opening up and  You feel forced  keep things to yourself and not share with your partner. This often triggers behaviours that can destroy a relationship. that includes fault finding, picking fights, either pulling away or pushing for more.

Hence, I always maintain that be yourself in a relationship, if you want it to be constant. If you want it to be the way it used to be when it started. When you are brutally yourself you don’t give any scope for the relationship to deteriorate. You can’t really compare the good with the not so good. When you stop being what you projected early on in a relationship your partner is going to miss that you, he/she fell in love with and won’t be able to stop comparing you with the initial you – be yourself, continue to dote on your partner and see your relationship blossom and remain blossomed.