Fibbing is a part of every human nature. Harmless, yet dangerous when overdone and overused – especially in relationships.
I very recently met a couple who was in terrible marital distress, thanks to the fibbing nature of the husband. Being brought up in a conventional patriarchal family, where the father was very autocratic, fibbing became his second nature right from his childhood to protect himself from him. When he got married, his fibbing habit continued. It was very disturbing for the wife initially, but she slowly came to terms with it. To keep the marital harmony intact, she kept quiet thinking most of his lies were white lies. However, she felt the husband started taking advantage of her silence. Along with his fibbing, he also started keeping things to himself, and not share details. The husband’s friend had a major illness and the ill friend’s wife started seeking help from him. The wife was involved initially with some particulars. But gradually he tapered giving all the information. Apparently, his friend’s wife started texting him on a regular basis – initially with the health bulletins and later under the pretext of some vain matters. The ill friend’s wife made it a point to connect only with the husband’s friend and not with his wife although they were all friends. Eventually, when the wife found out about the exclusive connection between her husband and the friend’s wife, she couldn’t take it and felt deceived. It wasn’t the communication between the two that drove her nuts. Being kept in the dark by her husband made her upset. Why would her husband and the friend’s wife want an exclusive connection with each other? She felt it was taking undue advantage of her understanding, sweetness and patience apart from being unfair to the unwell friend.
One tends to fib or hide things when one fears one’s partner. If the spouse is unreasonable and innately suspicious and jealous, it’s a different story. But with an understanding partner, fibbing excessively can be a deal breaker. It’s very much taking all the goodness for granted. So called ‘one to one’ connections with ONLY the friends’ spouse/s is unethical and unhealthy.
Have the best of friendships with your friends and their spouses. But be mindful of the exclusivity. The only person to have an exclusive relationship with is your partner. Exclusively yours!!!