‘Always’ is one of the most popular or rather common words in the vocabulary of married couples. Anything and everything is attributed to ‘always’. E.g. every time there is an argument, either or both partners will say “I know you always say this” or anything done against the partner’s wishes is also responded with “you always do this”. “You always come late” or “you are always on your phone” and “you always rake up the past”. This word coming up at the drop of a hat has the capacity to turn the tone of any normal conversation.
According to me when you use the term ‘always’, you know your partner too well or at least claim to do so. Hence the generalization. It shows how confident you are about your partner’s movements, behaviours, thoughts etc. A soothsayer at work – you know what’s coming or what’s in store.
Now my question is when you know that your partner ‘always’ does a certain thing, why keep talking about it? It shows you are aware of his or her set pattern of behaving or responding. Every human being functions in a certain pattern. By reiterating it does it help? On the contrary, this very word spoils the entire equation. Even if you want to change this pattern in your partner, by saying ‘always, instead of discouraging, you are only encouraging it. Courtesy – human psychology to rebel. You are giving a negative connotation to not just this word but also to the essence of your partner’s persona.
When you have spent some decent amount of time with your partner, you know everything about him or her – it’s a very predictable relationship. Predictable relationships can be boring but at the same time, it serves as an important tool to make your relationship smooth. Predictability can help you to change the stimulus to avoid getting the same response.
Instead of blaming your spouse for resorting to the ‘always’ behaviour every time, why don’t you get used to it? After all you have always seen that type of behaviour. Ranting the same thing time and again is a waste of time. you may underestimate the power of your ‘always’ but the power it has to dilute your couple dynamics is massive.
Always make sure that you avoid using ‘always’ when dealing with your partner. Generalizing never helps for your relationship is special and not general.