One of the most common terms used while in a relationship is ‘opposites attract’. As much as it does initially in any relationship, it is equally a repellent later on. But then doesn’t everything attract naturally, initially – whether opposites or similarities? Love is blind is a given and it doesn’t take much to turn a blind eye to so many things, just not the differences. So why this big deal about the opposites?
What is love? It has been defined in infinite ways since time immemorial. The most logical definition according to me is basically a need being met and the feeling of completeness which follows. So when one has a need which cannot be met on one’s own and when someone comes one’s way and ends up meeting this unfulfilled need, it is the chemical reaction one associates with the feeling of falling in love. And instead of saying opposites attract it is more apt to say needs attract.
Stark opposites can create more problems than attraction. Let’s start with one’s bringing up. Different backgrounds can lead to different expectations in a relationship. And when one is not on the same page, differences always crop up. Not to talk about the cultural and other differences here.
A couple met in college, fell in love and got married. Both from very different communities and financial backgrounds. Initial euphoria and excitement didn’t take time to disappear once the differences started to appear – literal and mental.
The boy was from an extremely well off but orthodox family. The girl had a hard time adjusting to the stringent conservative lifestyle she was subjected to. Again not matching the financial background, her views on money were very different to his. She couldn’t get herself to see him splurge neither on her nor on himself. She didn’t approve of his ways of spending. And the relationship nose-dived.
Another couple, both very well qualified and professionals working together had their opposites repel them in no time. Boy belonged to an ancestral business run family for generations. Education played no role in that family. He being an only exception. The girl came from a family of professionals. Soon the dutiful daughter in law was expected to follow the footsteps of the mother in law. Her priority was supposed to be home. Soon she realized her individuality was in question. Deep differences.
Last but not the least a couple fortunately before tying the knot realized how different they were. The boy was very emotional and affectionate. He was brought up in a family who knew how to express themselves. They almost wore their hearts on their sleeves. But the girl was from a different family. Her inherent nature made her practical and rational. Initial attraction of being showered with immense affection started to get on her nerves. She couldn’t take it beyond a point. She always looked for logic in life. As a result they broke off in time.
It’s as good to know the opposites as it is to know the similarities. Opposites are not just antonyms we studied in grammar or language art but also the art to learn to get into the right relationship.