Changed mindset to tame your insecurities


Trouble in marital paradise when one of the partners is insecure is very common. Not only does the relationship get into trouble but so does the insecure partner. Such individuals are constantly ruminating their partner’s actions. Millions of thoughts – mostly hypothetical come to haunt them.

The wife in one of the couples I was seeing was so insecure that her insecurities reached pathological levels. She had almost stopped thinking straight. She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She would call her husband at work multiple times to check on him. When travelling, would want a video call with him to make sure he was where she was told he was. She became clingy to the extent where she started feeling their only child was loved more by the husband than her. Her behaviour would oscillate between very sweet to very bitter and she knew it was getting the better of her. The husband was feeling stifled to no end.  At times these insecurities are understandable, never justified though –  thanks to their past experiences or partner’s disposition. But getting insecure is seldom the solution.

The toll it takes on one’s mental equilibrium can be unnerving. How can one ever be happy or make the partner happy with this state of mind? Jealousy and possessiveness are direct descendants of insecurity.  How does one stop this disturbing pattern of thoughts and resultant behaviour? A difficult circle to square, but certainly not impossible.

Idle mind is devil’s workshop. Insecurities breed in such minds. You should control your mind before the mind starts controlling you. Instead of monopolising your mind with constant negativities about a singular thing, why not feed it with positives?

Talking about your insecurities with your partner is the first step. But if your restless mind is not at peace even after communicating your fears to your partner, you need to ask yourself if the constant anxiety you are living with is worth it?  A relationship is meant to make you happy and secure. Now, if either you or your partner cannot provide that much needed security and happiness due to whatever the reasons, it’s time to change something. A change in your thinking pattern can change you and your relationship. By focussing on other aspects of life, apart from your partner and relationship, you can learn to secure your insecurities.