Game of Thrones gained a lot of popularity. Marriage an equally popular institution has become a ‘Game of Blame’. Once married, its easy to blame one’s partner for anything and everything.
One of my latest clients came to me in a super grouchy mode. She had gained a lot of weight and blamed her husband for it. On asking if he force fed her with high calorific food, she of course denied but blamed him for throwing a lot of parties, socializing a lot and taking her on multiple holidays in a year – giving her opportunities to binge eat and drink. When he was blamed for the lifestyle he provided to her – the primary reason for her obesity, he was rather nonchalant. To add fuel to the fire, he even criticised her for her weight. It made her extra hyper and conscious. Here the lady loved her lifestyle but was been unable to balance it the way she should have with the right exercise and nutrition.
When a person doesn’t exercise self-control in terms of something that adversely affects him/her, one starts blaming one’s partner for it. If one gets into an extra-marital affair, its thanks to the spouse who lacks what the person involved with delivers. How convenient!! Even something as small as a headache is courtesy one’s spouse and the tension created by him/her. Not to mention, the spouse being blamed for feeling bored since he/she has different interests. Also, for some work not being accomplished it’s the spouse’s negativity at play. No one can beat that logic.
Why can’t people take responsibility for their own deeds? Tendency to blame is extremely toxic for any relationship. It leaves both the partners with a growing sense of anger and resentment. Being at the receiving end and being blamed perpetually can take a terrible toll on one’s mental wellbeing. That feeling of being used as a punching bag at the drop of a hat is akin to being emotionally abused.
Of course, everyone knows one’s circumstances the best, but when one is blamed all the time, one certainly needs to sit and wonder if things have gone beyond the pale and into the danger zone, signalling something is wide of the mark. After all, a movie may give you the “Licence to kill”, but a marriage certainly doesn’t give you the “licence to blame”.